My most sincere congratulations

Just a short entry. As I am no longer active at the forum, I would just like to wish my dear friend, Alyssa R, my most sincere congratulations on her positive BT. I am truly happy for her. I still remember clearly how we were supposed to start our treatment together, but due to my surgery I had to had it postpone. I thought she had went through the procedure. However, I just realised that she didn't due to her OHSS. So she did her ER and just recently did an FET and this morning found out she is pregnant.

I did mention once to her that since we coulnd't be cycle buddies I was really hoping we could be pregnant buddies but I guess it was not meant to be. Am i jealous of her? Truthfully speaking. NO. I guess I feel differently towards people who become pregnant after facing IF. I get truly happy for them. However if someone who says she is not trying and somehow happens to get pregnant accidentally, I just feel different.

Wow, currently I have 3 friends from the forum who has suceeded in their journey. This just gives me a little bit motivation that it will work for me. But having to go through the whole procedure all over again is really no joke. The injection, the scans and the blood drawn... Hmmm... We will see when the time comes. I just hope I am more mentally prepared and I truly hope I will have more embryos this time around.

To Alyssa_r, my most sincere congratulations. Pls take care and rest well. Looking forward to hearing ur updates on baby. Pls remember me okay...

Friends - Real or Imaginary?

Just a little introduction for the entry coz I do not want people to misunderstand the nature of this entry. I am not writing this because I am angry with the lady friend of mine mention in it. This blog has never been about other people. It is about me. How I am worried about making this site a public one. N how I have lost someone I called a friend. N how I am afraid of losing more friends if they knew about my IF.

Here I am in in this world of IF. I used to be denial saying that it can't be happening to me. Of all people why me? But after 2 years, I began to come to terms with it. Along the way, I have gotten to know people (in real life) that are in the same boat as me. Thinking that they will understand how I felt, I too share my story with them. A few became my close friends, while there is one who has somehow along the way turn her back on me. I am not sure what her reasons are.

Due to this reason I have become more and more sceptical about being friends in real life with people who has face IF. I worry the same thing will happen all over again. It hurts to lose a friend you know. That is why I have kept this blog of mine a faceless one. I appreciate the friendship, advices, wishes and prayers from all you ladies out there. But to make this blog an open one, I am not ready. I have to think of my husband, my family and our friends. What if they stumble about this blog and finds out our problem? Will they remain my friends? Or like the lady I mention above, turn their back on me and leave as if I have a contagious, dreaded disease?

So what happens with that particular lady you may ask? Well, just like me she faces IF too. Just that our issues are totally different. Mine being Male IF factor, hers is because of a blocked fallopian tube. Even after an op to supposedly repair the tube, she was still not able to conceive. During this time, I was trying IUI. After her op, she tried IVF for the first time and with God's Grace, she got pregnant. I was truly happy for her. I prayed for her safe pregnancy and wishes her all the best. But somehow, after telling me that she was pregnant, she suffered a miscarriage. She was angry. She was upset. In fact, I forgave her for the unpleasant things she said to me during the moment of anger. I understood her feelings although I, myself have never experienced such loss before. Since then our friendship began to distance.

6 months later, I happen to stumble upon her blog once again and learn that she has gone through IVF for a second time and now she is pregnant with triplets. I was happy for her. I messaged her and wished her all the best. She didn't reply my message, never return my call and practically blew me off. Why the arrogance? Why the attitude? I understand your need for privacy but since you put it up on the net, it means that you want to share it with people, right? Wrong?

So yes here I am losing a friend. Am I ready to lose more friends? No I am not. But I sure am glad I shared my stories here as through this site, I have manage to "meet" people from all over the world that I can truly call a friend. A real friend to share my ups and downs (which is more common in this journey of overcoming IFs), more real than those that I personally know in real life.

"To all you ladies who has been my pillar of strength, my support, my advisor, I would like to say a HUGE THANK YOU. You are my real friends."