Time to say goodbye...

As I had predicted... As I had have an instinct about...

When the pimples start popping, when the lower abdomen starts cramping, when the lower back starts aching and when I started having brown spotting... I should have known... N true enough today, AF came knocking with a vengence. Fierce and heavy.

I had cried enough in the last 2 days. There are no more tears for me to cry. Went in for an early blood test today. Results was out quick too... The nurse was very nice about it... She said that HCG is in the 84. Huh? How could that be possible? Her answer is it was a chemical pregnancy. She said coz I don't have any frozen embryo, I can't do FET so I need to rest my body for at least 3 months before doing my next fresh cycle. I told her that I would have taken a break too if I don't have too. I am not ready for another emotional heart break. The physical pain I could take but the heart break. It is just too painful for me.

SO what is my next plan? I am taking a break from treatment for this 3 months. I am gonna rest my body from all the medications. I am gonna try naturally during this 3 months. Maybe just maybe, since we can have perfect embryo in the lab, we can perfect embryo made in my womb too... N hopefully by then, my womb lining is strong enough to hold a real pregnancy. I know I am thinking of a miracles but miracles do happen. N for now I am praying for a miracle.

My whole family together with bro and fiance are planning a family getaway at the end of the month. That would be great right? Yes, I need time away. This will be my last entry for now... I will be back soon when I have something to write. For now, I am just gonna recuperate. Heal my broken hearts. To all my lovely internet friends, thanks for your wonderful support but this is just isn't my time. I love you all no matter where you are...

Results are OUT

What was I thinking? Why was I putting my hopes high only to know that it will be crushed... Here was a pic from this morning test...


Was I disappointed? Well a little bit but not so much that I was distraught. Being out sick the last few days has set me thinking. Really thinking. I want to be healthy and as much rested as I possibly can during the procedure. If I am spending so much money on it I want to know that I have put 110% in the cycle. I do not want to be waking up and saying hey I could have done better if only there was no stress. I do not want what if to be in the picture anymore. If things were to fail (touch wood), I wanna know that I have done my best to get rid of any stress factors. I just wanna be at home resting, growing my eggs and growing my embryos and not be in a classroom shouting at the top of my lungs. What if all those screaming and shouting will reduce my chances? I kind of have think things through. Just need to share this information with hubby and see what he has to say. I am hoping he understands and will give me his full support.

Okay people, I am going to wallow myself in self pity for a bit then I should be back. Someone's wedding is coming up this weekend.

My blood test have to be postpone till my period comes, I guess that should be in April now. Please come already... Please don't make me wait in vain any longer. Everything now has to be pushed forward. ER should be in late May, ET in June and so on... I am crossing my fingers and just praying for the best.