Biggest worry has come true

Sorry for not writing for a while now. Been a little busy with assignments and finding a new job. Trying to find something totally different to do. More in the line of counselling which I majored in Uni. Been a month since I sent in my resumes but till now no call or reply. Getting a little worried. Once end of October comes, I will have no more assignments as students will be taking a break from school thus none will be going for tuition. No assignment means no income. So I have exactly 2 months to get myself an interview. I guess I need to be a little more aggressive in my job search.

But that is not my biggest worry. If you have been reading my site in the past month, my worry is what if my brother in law's wife who were married in end March 2009 will be pregnant first before me. N true enough, God do want to test us more specifically ME. Yesterday, I learnt from my mother in law that she is currently 18 weeks pregnant. She got pregnant immediately after the wedding. In fact she didnt even realise she was pregnant coz she was kind of bleeding/spotting throughout the four months. *SIGH*

SO yeah, that's my life story for now. 5 years into my wedding and I still have nothing to show for. N she is into her 5th month anniversary and she is 18 weeks pregnant. OUCH! What a stab in the heart. So I will once again go and lie in a corner and mourn my life AGAIN! Nothing much to report on the TTC front. This Friday - 4th of Sept is my 5th wedding anniversary and what an irony that will also be the day I am expecting AF to come. I am hoping and praying for a miracle but deep down inside I just don't feel it anymore. The closest I got to getting pregnant was my last failed IVF. So will see about the rest. About 1 month plus to my next fresh cycle. So looking forward to being injected again. Can you hear my sarcasm?

Results are OUT

What was I thinking? Why was I putting my hopes high only to know that it will be crushed... Here was a pic from this morning test...


Was I disappointed? Well a little bit but not so much that I was distraught. Being out sick the last few days has set me thinking. Really thinking. I want to be healthy and as much rested as I possibly can during the procedure. If I am spending so much money on it I want to know that I have put 110% in the cycle. I do not want to be waking up and saying hey I could have done better if only there was no stress. I do not want what if to be in the picture anymore. If things were to fail (touch wood), I wanna know that I have done my best to get rid of any stress factors. I just wanna be at home resting, growing my eggs and growing my embryos and not be in a classroom shouting at the top of my lungs. What if all those screaming and shouting will reduce my chances? I kind of have think things through. Just need to share this information with hubby and see what he has to say. I am hoping he understands and will give me his full support.

Okay people, I am going to wallow myself in self pity for a bit then I should be back. Someone's wedding is coming up this weekend.

My blood test have to be postpone till my period comes, I guess that should be in April now. Please come already... Please don't make me wait in vain any longer. Everything now has to be pushed forward. ER should be in late May, ET in June and so on... I am crossing my fingers and just praying for the best.