Come on already!!!

Other than the once off lower abdominal cramp, there was no more signs or symptoms that AF is coming to visit. As dry as can be. Damn!!! This waiting is starting to slowly kill me. Can't you just come already? Stop making me wait. I have waited an entire month in March. I am not waiting another month. This has been postponed for far too long. I have 3 more Provera pills to finish. Once I finish that, I shall wait a few more days (that was what the pharmacist said - finish the pill and my menses should come within the next few days.)

My bo.obs doesn't hurt at all. Usually they will hurt a few days or even a week before AF comes and visit. Now not even a twinge. This is getting ridiculous. As if I have not felt less of a woman the last few months. Now that I am waiting to get back on track this missing AF is making me feel even worse.

Anyone who had a laparoscopy had this problem about missing AF? According to my counter at the side, I have one more day to go till I should be testing. Hmmm... should I even bother? I roughly have an idea what the results gonna be like. Me and hubby didn't really manage to do much due to his reservist. He was kind of away during my ovulation. Now what????

Arghh!!!! This is killing me. I am supposed to have a checkup this Thursday 23rd April. A scan to check everything is okay. to make sure that the cysts are not back as well as a meeting with Dr Sad.hana. But I am really hoping that AF comes before then. It might sounds weird to some but I am ready to have myself injected...

Officially OVER

Today was it. It was OFFICIALLY OVER. What you may ask? My period that is. AF has decided to make its exit. After almost 5 or was it 6 days? Well I am just glad it left before New Year. That would have stink. Anyway, AF visit this month has been pretty quiet too. Thus there hasn't been much activity.

Then there are also things happening at my work place. I started work at my new place. Attended their staff meeting on Monday. Was introduce to their staff. They look pretty friendly. Some were very helpful with the things that I need. My new work space is also much bigger compared tp the one I had previously. For now, I am doing good I guess. I did drop by my previous school to sign some form, collect some items and return some materials. I don't miss that place but I do miss some of my colleagues there. I hope I will be able to make some close colleagues here. I am psyching myself up. I know this is for the best. Especially after I went back today. I know for sure I have made the right decision. I guess between me and my preivous work place... we are OFFICIALLY OVER now.

Being new here, I might have to start learning all over again. I will have to probably make some changes and learn new things. I used to be afraid. Today I am choosing to overcome that fear and hopefully learn as much as possible. It is not gonna be easy but I have to make this change and I am not gonna let fear get in the way. CONFIDENCE is the word for today.

Follow my heart...

The last 2 days has been pretty quiet except for the fact that (TMI ALERT): my period seems to have come and visit 5 days earlier than the expected date. I was not really expecting it to come coz firstly I was on the GnHR injection for 3 months, which was supposed to suppress my hormones and to stop my menses from coming back. This is so that to give my little ovary a break from the tedious monthly "work". But 2 days ago, as I was sitting right here in front of my computer, I feel a little wet you know where. Took a tissue, wipe it and lo and behold.

So I guess, AF do decide to drop by one last time. Well one good thing about her visit this time around is, there was no back pain, no abdominal cramps, just a little mood swing. Hey if this is how her visit is gonna be after the surgery, I guess it was worth it to go for the surgery after all.

I have been very apprehensive the last few days about my pending meeting in my new school. A little nervous about it. I mean, in my previous school, you can consider me as one of the "older" staff. Here I will be one of the newbies. Don't know how the people there will react to my present. Not sure whether the students will be able to accept me as their teacher. I mean looking at it, 2 of the classes that I am taking should have been previously taught by someone else so it might not be that easy as they might already have a particular way of learning. My heart has not been at ease. Hope it will get better after tomorrow's meeting.

Then tonight, I came across the following and it somehow manage to ease me a little.

To some extent I think I should stop second guessing myself. Just like how I chose to call KKIVF and start on my IVF treatment, I should also stop second guessing myself when it comes to work matters. I should have more faith in my capabilities and know that I will do what's best for the students.

On time as usual

As usual, the dreaded visitor came to visit in the wee hours of the morning. On the dot Day 29. In my 27 years (15 years of receiving her visits), never once had she been late. I used to think how lucky I was but then now that I am on this route, I just wish that for once she comes later than usual. But I guess not.

Now with her presence, I can start counting down to the 10th of December. Of course I am not looking forward to it but if it going to make my journey to parenthood a little smoother so be it. Hubby was lying on the sofa then he called for me. He held me in his arms and mumbled something. He said he did not like that I had to go through surgery. I said then perhaps he can go through it for me. N what he said next brought tears to my eyes. If I could I would. How romantic is that?

I mean after being together for almost 7 years and married for 4, you wouldn't expect that sort of thing, would you? We love each other, I love him more than anything else. We still walk hand in hand, feed each other food and steal a kiss once in a while in public. But we are not the kind that verbalise our feelings. We usually show our feelings through our everyday actions rather than through words. But what he said yesterday was truly very sweet and it touched me deeply.

So here I am right now, waiting for my surgery date. Am I scared? Of course I am. Am I worried? Definitely. During the surgery, you never know what's going to happen since you are under anasthesia. Will I wake up only to discover that the worst had happen? Well for now, I am just going to think positive and remain strong for both me and hubby. I can't look scared or worried in front of hubby as it will affect him. I know I can get through this. Insya Allah.

"She" came with a vengence

Today is only the 6th. I wasn't expecting her visit till a day later. But this morning I woke up to a very wet you know where. I went to the living room and told hubby that AF might have visited a day earlier. No fairy tale ending like what I have prayed and hoped for. Was I upset? Well... after almost 45 months of trying, I have started getting use to it. Her visit is nothing out of the ordinary. Not getting her visit would be a miracle.

SO what happened today? Well we, Hubby and I had plan to go out and spend some quality time together but I told Hubby perhaps we should wait it out a little. If today is really my CD 1 then I will have to make some phone calls. We waited till noon and it was confirmed. So I grabbed the hp and make the call to the clinic. Was wondering whether I should come in tomorrow or Saturday for the blood test. They said they are open on Saturday from 0730 to 12 noon. So I have decided. Saturday, 8th November, it is for the blood test. Then one more phone call to the digital imaging. The lady said she will ask the person in charge to call me back in a while. 10 minutes later, an appointment was set for the 14th of November for my saline sonogram at 3pm. One last phone call after that... The medical social worker sounded so sweet. I felt so comfortable with her. I believe I will be at ease when talking to her. I have been in her position before. So yes appointment with medical social worker will be on the 14th of November at 2pm.

With all that done, we got ready and went out. By this time, I was having the worse cramp ever. It was so painful that it was so difficult to walk. Hubby and I had lunch before making our way to the movies. The latest bond movie is cool and action pack. Halfway through the movie I began to get this painful cramps, like someone pulling and twisting and turning my ovaries inside out. I started shifting from right to left and to right again. All I can think about now is going home and lying on my soft bed. Somehow I fell asleep midst the pain. I woke up somewhere when bond was caught in an explosion. Hmmmm.....

Back to the pain, it was on and off. The cab ride back was making my back hurts. It was a nice date with hubby but I was miserable because of the cramps. my boob.s are hurting too... Did I mention that there was no hints of her arrival? Usually I will have spotting on CD1 and CD 2 will be when I get my full flow. There was a slight change this month. Was it because of the change in my diet? Or does my body knows that there is going to be more changes to come?

What ever it is... It is official!!! Today is my CD 1 and I am ready to embark on my next journey. IVF here we come...

CD 22 - 6 more days

What do you do when you are sick and tired and bored at home? Create a new layout. It is a good way to pass your two week wait. How do you like my new layout? Nice? Hehehe... Well I think it is. The pastel colour is really very soothing to the eyes. The dark brown floral designs at the side are outstanding and eye catching. What about the banner? Look at all the baby photos... Aren't they just the cutest thing ever? I wish someday I will be able to have one or two or maybe even three to call my own. Insya Allah.

Since I was still on leave and resting at home, and I am currently on my 2nd part of my 2WW, I have created another 2 sites using a different account that I might be introducing to this site at a later time. Now I am just basically creating and adjusting the layout first. The purpose and entries of the other 2 sites will of course be different from this one.

Now a little update on me and my 2WW. By the way, the 3rd week of my cycle is pretty challenging. Something I have not usually faced. Sitting on the floor, cross legged for more than an hour will hurt my back terribly. The last 2 days since I fell sick, my right side om tummy hurts, the crampy kind of feeling (but isn't it too early for PMS). Then it started swapping, from right to left and now back to the right. I have been peeing rather often too. Fatigue is unbelievable. I tried not to look too much into the symptoms but I guess you just cant help it (even though you know that the chances are as low as less than 1 %)

Dr Google say that it is common. There has been cases of woman who have had PMS for as long as 1 week before the arrival of the actual AF. But there are also cases whereby woman who has these symptoms are known to be pregnant later. So which category am I in? I hope to be in the latter group but then again... as my previous entry has said it... Hope seems very far away this month.

But don't worry. My spirit is still high. I am looking forward to AF visit. Bcoz with her visit I can officially begin my IVF journey.

CD 14 /15 - Time to ovulate

Well as the tinker says on the right. It is Day 15 and it time for me to ovulate. But somehow personally I feel that the tinker might be a bit off. I had that very painful cramps 2 days ago about CD12/CD13. The pain that has kept me away from the net. I can't really sit properly. My back hurst badly. Just had to lie down on the sofa with the tv as my company. So I was thinking perhaps my Ovulation happen during that time.

Well what ever it is, me and hubby was not really banking in on achieving pregnancy naturally. I mean we know where our problem lies. It will be a reall miracle if we do get pregnant in this cycle (which is by far, the month where we put in the least effort). Hubby didn't want me to get stress over the results. He said let's just do according to what our body says. No need to force it just so that we get the exact timing, which I don't even know if we are getting it right. So after 2 days of rest, the aching back and cramps are gone. I guess my uterus has gone back to its resting position, either preparing for implantation (if I am pregnant) or preparing the lining to be displace out of my body by beginning of next month.

In the past 2 weeks wait was a torture. By the 4 week, I will usually read into all the symptoms. But when we learn about our situation, I stop thinking of the symptoms coz I know at a specific time AF will arrive somehow (just whether she got into a traffic jam or not). This month it will be no different from other months. No looking into symptoms. I am just going to let this cycle past, and then proceed with our plans/schedule.

I seriously can't wait for this cycle to past as quickly as possible.

AF Cramps YES but Ovulation Cramps???

Today is Day 13 of my Menstrual Cycle. As I was sitting at my desk waiting for my meeting to start suddenly I have a tinge of pain in my right abdomen. This has never happen to me before. AF cramps yes. Usually my 2nd day is the day I will feel the worse pain but pains during the time I am supposed to ovulate, never before.

So yes... the whole day today, I was sitting at my desk with the pain continuously being there. Sitting or standing will trigger off the pain. During the movie screening, sitting on the chair causes me some discomfort. SO I chose to sit on the floor. That was even worse. My lower back then started aching... Hmmm sounds like a pregnant lady huh. But no of course not. I am NOT pregnant. At least not yet. (praying for pregnancy to happen soon)

Went home straight after work. Rested for a while on the sofa then took a nap. My 1 hour nap turns to about 3 hours of sleep. HUbby made a hot drink for me and I feel better now. The pain is gone just a slight lower back discomfort. Hope this is nothing and it goes away soon...

An ARTICLE I found on ovulation cramp.

Premenstrual Cramps

Many women experience cramps after ovulation, while others rarely do or not at all. Depending on each individual's threshold of pain, these cramps range from intermittent, prolonged, mild, moderate, or excruciating. The more severe the cramps are, the more likely you would be in consulting with your doctor, especially if accompanied by low back aches, heavy bleeding, or spotting in between periods.

However, cramps themselves are not cause for concern. Those who experience them regularly are able to find relief through over-the-counter and prescription pain medication, bathing in warm water, or applying warm compresses to the abdomen. It is when cramps after ovulation are debilitating, or if you experience pelvic pain, lower back pain, vomiting, nausea, dizziness, unusually heavy periods with the presence of blood clots, a varied menstrual cycle, spotting between periods, or the possibility of pregnancy that you should consider being examined.

Ordinarily, cramps after ovulation are contractions produced by the uterus, in preparation of menstruation. In a normal month, a woman's reproductive cycle goes through the process of releasing an egg from either or sometimes both ovaries, at which point if a woman has sexual intercourse, it may result in the egg's fertilization. The lining of the uterus thickens in preparation of implantation. If no pregnancy results, then the lining begins to deteriorate, eventually shedding as menstruation. If pregnancy does occur, the fertilized egg attaches to the uterus. It is during the time in between fertilization when the uterus contracts. During early pregnancy, the uterus will first contract in attempts to dispel the embryo, and then produce growing pains while it extends to make room for the embryo, and cramp-like sensations are felt. In the case of a non-pregnant cycle, after ovulation occurs, the uterine lining is ready to be expelled, resulting in cramps.

So there you go... that should explain my pain for the time being. Weird why this month of all other months. It has to happen the month before my IVF cycle. God please keep me healthy so I can go through my plans without hiccups.

By the way I have started on a routine of medicine again. Folic acids is on top of the list. Hubbys is also ensuring that I have a cup of milk every night to ensure stronger bones. N there is one more medicine/juice that my mum suggested I take. Very nice actually the medication. It is a mixture of figs, dates and many more. HUbby is taking it too. For now, whatever medicine that my mum feels is good for my body I will take. I mean she is the massage lady. I am sure she knows what she is doing.