As I had predicted... As I had have an instinct about...
When the pimples start popping, when the lower abdomen starts cramping, when the lower back starts aching and when I started having brown spotting... I should have known... N true enough today, AF came knocking with a vengence. Fierce and heavy.
I had cried enough in the last 2 days. There are no more tears for me to cry. Went in for an early blood test today. Results was out quick too... The nurse was very nice about it... She said that HCG is in the 84. Huh? How could that be possible? Her answer is it was a chemical pregnancy. She said coz I don't have any frozen embryo, I can't do FET so I need to rest my body for at least 3 months before doing my next fresh cycle. I told her that I would have taken a break too if I don't have too. I am not ready for another emotional heart break. The physical pain I could take but the heart break. It is just too painful for me.
SO what is my next plan? I am taking a break from treatment for this 3 months. I am gonna rest my body from all the medications. I am gonna try naturally during this 3 months. Maybe just maybe, since we can have perfect embryo in the lab, we can perfect embryo made in my womb too... N hopefully by then, my womb lining is strong enough to hold a real pregnancy. I know I am thinking of a miracles but miracles do happen. N for now I am praying for a miracle.
My whole family together with bro and fiance are planning a family getaway at the end of the month. That would be great right? Yes, I need time away. This will be my last entry for now... I will be back soon when I have something to write. For now, I am just gonna recuperate. Heal my broken hearts. To all my lovely internet friends, thanks for your wonderful support but this is just isn't my time. I love you all no matter where you are...
When the pimples start popping, when the lower abdomen starts cramping, when the lower back starts aching and when I started having brown spotting... I should have known... N true enough today, AF came knocking with a vengence. Fierce and heavy.
I had cried enough in the last 2 days. There are no more tears for me to cry. Went in for an early blood test today. Results was out quick too... The nurse was very nice about it... She said that HCG is in the 84. Huh? How could that be possible? Her answer is it was a chemical pregnancy. She said coz I don't have any frozen embryo, I can't do FET so I need to rest my body for at least 3 months before doing my next fresh cycle. I told her that I would have taken a break too if I don't have too. I am not ready for another emotional heart break. The physical pain I could take but the heart break. It is just too painful for me.
SO what is my next plan? I am taking a break from treatment for this 3 months. I am gonna rest my body from all the medications. I am gonna try naturally during this 3 months. Maybe just maybe, since we can have perfect embryo in the lab, we can perfect embryo made in my womb too... N hopefully by then, my womb lining is strong enough to hold a real pregnancy. I know I am thinking of a miracles but miracles do happen. N for now I am praying for a miracle.
My whole family together with bro and fiance are planning a family getaway at the end of the month. That would be great right? Yes, I need time away. This will be my last entry for now... I will be back soon when I have something to write. For now, I am just gonna recuperate. Heal my broken hearts. To all my lovely internet friends, thanks for your wonderful support but this is just isn't my time. I love you all no matter where you are...
7 comments:
Hi Sis...
I'm really so sorry to hear...Well dun give up Sis...Rest as much as you can...Then look forward for a better journey..who knows you can conceive naturally...I noe this will be hard...Just dun give up and keep going strong...
Do take care...
((((((((((giant hugs)))))))))))
I'm really, really sorry hun. :(
I know words dont' help right now, so I won't bother to say more.
Just that I understand the pain you are feeling, and that I wish you didn't have to feel it.
Much love to you both.
xoxo
Bubbli and Dagny,
Thank you... As the wound is still raw, it is of course still a little painful. I just kind of feel a little ridiculous for hurting something that is not really mine yet... Amazing how that little embryos have caused so much pain.
BUt I will hopefully survived in the long run. Maybe not now... Maybe not in a week or two but I believe I will survive this.
YOu ladies have been so amazing in my journey. Thanks... I will get up from this setback and hopefully one day try again.
I never heard that having an hcg level of 84 was a chemical. Are you having any additional blood work done??? I know you have gotten a visit from AF but they need to monitor you to see if your level increases or decreases....((((HUGS))))
Take all the time you need. We wil miss you.
Hey Flower...
I will be here... Not going anywhere. Just that since I am not doing the treatment I wont have much to report. I will still be reading updates from u ladies and commenting when necessary.
Just need some time to mourn my loss. Although it was just for a while, there is still a large part of me that were broken. Not sure whether I will ever be able to mend the broken pieces.
Oh no, I'm so, so sorry. My heart is broken for you, I wish this had been the time. Good for you, taking time to heal, physically and emotionally. You'll be missed! Take all the time you need, we'll be here when you're back! big, big {{{hugs}}}
Hugs, hugs and hugs. Hang in there and know we're all thinking about you and praying for you!
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