I know many ladies out there are almost an expert in the IVF procedure. They have gone through many rounds of treatment unlike me. It will be 4 more days before I reach 28 days since I started IVF. 28 days = 1 month. This is nothing compared to the 5 years I have let it passed without any BFP. Yup no BFP. Not even once. I have never known how it feels like to be pregnant. I have never known how it is like to feel the symptoms. I will not promise that I won't complain once the symptoms comes but I will definitely embrace all of the good and the bad that comes with a pregnancy.
I have been lucky coz I have a great support system who has selflessly share their procedure and process with me so that I could roughly gauge what to expect. I am also lucky I have great online friends who I can cry on if I was faced with many mroe hurdles. They are always ready with a virtual hug and words of encouragement and advice which I truly appreciate. Some of them are becoming more of a friend to me than any of my real friends are. Reason - I am sharing the most intimate details of my life with you, my online friends rather than my real friends. How do I tell a fertile friend what I am going through. How to explain the reason I am not with kids yet is not because I love my life of a twosome?
Believe me I have tried explaining. Instead of getting a hug or a pat on the shoulder (which is usually what I need) I will get some smart a$#@ advice - why don't u just relax?, maybe if try a variety of positions (like we haven't), why do you want kids, I would do anything to exchange places with you (wait till you are really in my position and see what you have to say). Some people have the nerves...
Anyway, like many of my counterparts in this journey, I have a plan in hand. I have an idea on how many times I am gonna try. This process despite help from government can be very expensive. Not only that, it can also affect your relationship with hubby. It is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Sometimes you are up, sometimes you are at your lowest low.
Let me share anothe secrets with you my friend. I have been to a psychiatrist to help me deal with my depression. Yes, I HAVE BEEN DEPRESSED!!! I had problems sleeping, crying out of the blue for no apparent reason, getting angry at hubby most of the time (blaming will never solve the issues at hand). DId it affect my marriage? Thank God NO!!!. Like many of you, I am blessed to be married to the most understanding guy I can ever asked for. He was supportive. There was a time when he got angry but NEVER at me. It was at himself. For not being able to give me what I want most in life. At that point of time, I realised I need help. I have to help myself before I self destruct. SO I dragged my feet to Buangkok Green and set an appointment with a psychiatrist. He helped me overcome all my underlying issues, gave me medication to help me with my lack of sleep and depression. N 6 months later here I am... a more cheerful and positive person inside and out. I have been discharged from the psychiatrist clinic since then.
I believe that was one of my better decisions in life. To seek help for myself. To say that I am an expert in this process, I am far from it but if there are any of you out there who requires information or a shoulder to cry on, believe me when I say I am here for you. If I can't answer your questions, I will pass it on to my lovely online 'sisters' and I am sure there will be someone who can give you the information you need.
I will be going for another follies check tomorrow. Let's hope the follies have grown significantly from the last scan. I have been good in taking my chicken essence and folic acid. I will update everyone once I get back.
I have been lucky coz I have a great support system who has selflessly share their procedure and process with me so that I could roughly gauge what to expect. I am also lucky I have great online friends who I can cry on if I was faced with many mroe hurdles. They are always ready with a virtual hug and words of encouragement and advice which I truly appreciate. Some of them are becoming more of a friend to me than any of my real friends are. Reason - I am sharing the most intimate details of my life with you, my online friends rather than my real friends. How do I tell a fertile friend what I am going through. How to explain the reason I am not with kids yet is not because I love my life of a twosome?
Believe me I have tried explaining. Instead of getting a hug or a pat on the shoulder (which is usually what I need) I will get some smart a$#@ advice - why don't u just relax?, maybe if try a variety of positions (like we haven't), why do you want kids, I would do anything to exchange places with you (wait till you are really in my position and see what you have to say). Some people have the nerves...
Anyway, like many of my counterparts in this journey, I have a plan in hand. I have an idea on how many times I am gonna try. This process despite help from government can be very expensive. Not only that, it can also affect your relationship with hubby. It is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Sometimes you are up, sometimes you are at your lowest low.
Let me share anothe secrets with you my friend. I have been to a psychiatrist to help me deal with my depression. Yes, I HAVE BEEN DEPRESSED!!! I had problems sleeping, crying out of the blue for no apparent reason, getting angry at hubby most of the time (blaming will never solve the issues at hand). DId it affect my marriage? Thank God NO!!!. Like many of you, I am blessed to be married to the most understanding guy I can ever asked for. He was supportive. There was a time when he got angry but NEVER at me. It was at himself. For not being able to give me what I want most in life. At that point of time, I realised I need help. I have to help myself before I self destruct. SO I dragged my feet to Buangkok Green and set an appointment with a psychiatrist. He helped me overcome all my underlying issues, gave me medication to help me with my lack of sleep and depression. N 6 months later here I am... a more cheerful and positive person inside and out. I have been discharged from the psychiatrist clinic since then.
I believe that was one of my better decisions in life. To seek help for myself. To say that I am an expert in this process, I am far from it but if there are any of you out there who requires information or a shoulder to cry on, believe me when I say I am here for you. If I can't answer your questions, I will pass it on to my lovely online 'sisters' and I am sure there will be someone who can give you the information you need.
I will be going for another follies check tomorrow. Let's hope the follies have grown significantly from the last scan. I have been good in taking my chicken essence and folic acid. I will update everyone once I get back.
2 comments:
You were so brave to admit you needed help. It's so good that you were able to recognize what you needed, and you've made yourself into the healthiest Mom-to-be you can be!
Thanks Stacey...
I wouldnt have been able to realise it if not for my hubby. He was the one who suggested perhaps and maybe perhaps I was having a slight case of depression. I was upset athim for even suggesting it. But looking at my behaviour, I realised for myself that he was right.
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