I have been questioning myself on this for a very long time. Since I first learnt about our infertility issues. I love kids, so does hubby. So why are we not blessed to have kids on our own yet there are others (teenagers included) who cant afford kids and can never bring up their kids properly have kid or in some cases kids. Instead of owning up to the mistakes, they make even more mistakes. Sometimes their mistakes cost the life of the little ones. The question that keep popping up in my head is - Where was God in all this?
I have been blog hopping and from the many sites I have visited, I realised that many women out there are getting closer to God in times of difficulty/challenging. As for me, I am trying to get close but at times I am just so angry. Angry for being tested the way that I was. Many people have said that God tested those that he loves. If He doesn't love you, he would have just left you alone. In that case, I would have rather been left alone. Or is that just my angry self talking.
Yes I still pray 5 times a day as required by my religion. However I still feel empty. I don't seem to be any connection. I limit my conversation with Him. Reason? Well I have been trying to communicate to Him how much we wanted a kid of our own. Not only have He not answered my prayers, He has tested me over and over again.
As my IVF journey is drawing closer and closer, I would like my conversation with Him to be more meaningful and I would like to be closer to Him. Thus I would like to take a short hiatus - just a week or so. To calm myself, to be in sync with everything around me and to be closer to God. I will be back in exactly a week when I will start my lucrin injections. Hopefully by then, I will get the answers that I have been seeking.
To all you nice bloggers out there who are currently in your 2 week wait, my prayers are with you and may you receive the BFP you have been seeking.
Readers of my blog, do check back on me in exactly a weeks time. Will be back with an entry. Till then... Have a great weekend...
I have been blog hopping and from the many sites I have visited, I realised that many women out there are getting closer to God in times of difficulty/challenging. As for me, I am trying to get close but at times I am just so angry. Angry for being tested the way that I was. Many people have said that God tested those that he loves. If He doesn't love you, he would have just left you alone. In that case, I would have rather been left alone. Or is that just my angry self talking.
Yes I still pray 5 times a day as required by my religion. However I still feel empty. I don't seem to be any connection. I limit my conversation with Him. Reason? Well I have been trying to communicate to Him how much we wanted a kid of our own. Not only have He not answered my prayers, He has tested me over and over again.
As my IVF journey is drawing closer and closer, I would like my conversation with Him to be more meaningful and I would like to be closer to Him. Thus I would like to take a short hiatus - just a week or so. To calm myself, to be in sync with everything around me and to be closer to God. I will be back in exactly a week when I will start my lucrin injections. Hopefully by then, I will get the answers that I have been seeking.
To all you nice bloggers out there who are currently in your 2 week wait, my prayers are with you and may you receive the BFP you have been seeking.
Readers of my blog, do check back on me in exactly a weeks time. Will be back with an entry. Till then... Have a great weekend...
4 comments:
you have a wonderful weekend also.
xoxo
I know this is so hard, and especially hard to maintain faith throughout infertility. Like you, I was angry for a long time...and I still get angry. Why? Because it's absolutely not fair. But no one ever promised fairness in life, and babies aren't handed out to those most capable or most worthy. Everyone has their ability to choose in life, and sometimes idiot teenagers make bad choices.
God hasn't abandoned you, nor does he refuse to hear you. I don't know why some of us who are ready, willing, and able to have children can't. But I do know that the reasons why have nothing to do with how much God loves us.
Oh Hillary. Thank you for that message. Truly appreciate it. I guess at times I just need to be reminded about that.
I cant help feeling angry time and time again. I know He hasn't abandoned me but at times I just felt alone...Lonely.
Once again Thanks Hillary.
Hope that your weekend goes well and that you are able to get in touch with that spiritual connection you are looking for. It's hard when you are going through a hard time!
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