On Schedule

I am just glad everything is on schedule. I was about to give my nurse a call on Monday if my Af still was not here. But today, as schedule it arrived with a full vengence. So far I am right on track. N I am half way through with the suprefact injection. I have been ridiculously tired the last few days. I wonder how I will be when I am doing other shot. We'll see how it goes.

Last few days have been really tiring for me not because of my treatment but because I have been travelling to and fro from the hospital. My bro met with an accident with a van on his way back from work. Physically he looks fine with just minor scratches. Or so we thought. Yesterday at about 5pm, mum called me to say that bro had to go in for an emergency operation. After an ultrasound, they found that one of his testes is crushed. No way of saving it. (People who knows me in person, please do not mention this to anyone coz I do not want my bro to be anymore traumatize as it is.)

After the op yesterday, the surgeon mention to my mum that this was one of the worse case he had ever seen. He tried to save whatever remaining that is good. Now it depends on my bro's will power. Whatever that has been saved, will either remain good or the cells might just die off. If it dies off, then he will have to go in for another surgery. We are all praying for the best. Dr said that at the moment, he won't have problem having kids in future coz all he need is just one but Dr is not sure the condition of what remains. The whole family is behind him at the moment, providing him with all the support he needs. He is still feeling down but he is showing signs of improvement.

Till my next entry... Have a good weekend everyone.

9 more days to go

Things have been pretty quiet here. Nothing much to report. I have however been getting constant crampings, you know the kind where you know AF is around the corner. But for me the cramping has been happening since I started the injection but till now no sign of AF yet.

I am kind of concern though, is it usual not to have AF during this first round of injections? Well, I shall wait it out a few more days. If it is still not here, I shall call the nurse and find out about this. I have been pretty tired too the last few days. I hate dragging my feet out of bed in the morning. I will sleep in till about 9. Have breakfast. Check my mail, facebook, twitter, play a little online games etc then I usually fall asleep again on the sofa. Sometimes up to a stretch of 2 - 3 hours. Gosh...I am turning into a lazy bum. Luckily I am no longer working or I will forsee my MC rates to go up drastically. But I am still glad I have the tuition assignments to keep me sane/busy.

At least with the assignments, I get to go out and travel to my kids place and when they come over, I get to make use of my brain cells and teach them the things that I love most - MATHS!!!!

Back to the injection, after the first day of injections, the rest of the days are much easier. Hubby is becoming a pro at it. It hurts/stings badly on the 3rd day. I have always like to lie down when hubby gives me the injection coz I will be at my most relax position. But on the 3rd day, hubby decides that it would be easier if I stand so I listened and it stings bad. I started tearing. Hubby was so worried he said from now on, we just do it your way. Man - Why can't they just stick to the way that has always worked? Why do they need to just "test the waters"? 4th and 5th day went witout a hitch.

Other than the usual tiredness sinking in, my bo.obs are kind of sore (probably bcoz AF is around the corner) and my desire to be intimate with hubby has kind of dwindle a little due to me being tired. Common??? NO??? Well, hubby has been very nice aboout all this but before he starts complaining, I better get it on. Hehehe...

Okay people, will catch up with all of you again soon. To all ladies who has been coming by to drop a comment or two. THANKS so much. I do visit your sites too but sometimes, I am just at a lost for words on what to say. My mum always advice me "It is best we keep quiet and just pray for the person in silent if we don't have anything nice/right to say."

I have been in this journey for almost 4 years and I roughly know what are the kind of things that people may say (whether intentionally or unintentionally) that can throw me off the cliff. Sometimes I usually have to write and rewrite my comments a few times before I send it just to make sure I have phrase my words in the way that I know if I was at the receiving end I won't be hurt.

Time for my afternoon nap. Hubby is snoring awya at my sofa... Need to find a new 'port' now.

1 down 13 more to go

Today I set up the alarm clock to go off bright and early. When it rang, I was like still lazing around. Turned around but hubby was not there. Saw the toilet lights on. Called out to him. As he was settling whatever business he was doing, I walked in my sleepy mode to the dining room table to grab my medication and syringe.



Walked back into the room and hubby was all set. He teased me by saying, "Okay I am ready to see you do your injection." Yeah right, I hate injection on its own and not you want me to do it myself? Hahah funny.

I have requested hubby to do all my injections for me. Well, i believe I haven't mention it yet but hubby is a medic in the army so poking people with needles, putting IV drips for people are a normal daily activity for him. BUt today somehow he looks nervous. His hand was a little trembling. Hmmm... That is so unlikely of him. It took him a while to get the medication in the syringe and to remove any air bubble in it. I was lying on bed, pinching my layer of fats and turning away from him, waiting for him to poke me anytime. I asked why it was taking him so long and he said, he don't like hurting me even if it was supposedly for our own good.

In a minute, I can feel the prick and the 5 seconds he counted seems to take longer. It stings a little after that, the area turned red like it has been bitten by mosquito but other than that I am okay.

So here I am one day in the preparation stage. So far so good.

KK Appointment

Went for my appointment at the hospital today. I was kind of excited coz finally I am dooing something rather than just wait and see like what I have been doing in the last 4 months. Me and hubby left house at noon, took the cab and arrive at around 1.30pm. Registered at the counter, purchase the medicine from the pharmacy. Talking about medicine, I thought that all of my procedure is paid for using the government subsidy plus my Medisave. Well I guess not. The subsidies will only start once I start Puregon. Thats's a saving of about $9000 on my part. Well I guess that truly helps.

Anyway, remember I mentioned that I will be taking lucrin injection. Well that was not meant to be. Coz according to the nurse, they have ran out of the medication world wide. WOW!!! So they change my medication to Supre.fact and I will be taking 50units of it till 29th of May when I will be going for a scan to check my baseline and my E2 level.

Hope everything goes well. My first injection starts tomorrow. OMG!! That is alot of needles that I was given. I have never seen so much needles in my life before. At least not at any one time...

Hubby was also very happy with what the nurse had to say. She said during this injection, we should be expecting AF to come as well as we are now allowed to have sex once again. N you should see the smile on hubby's face. That sinister smile with a hidden agenda on it. Hahaha...

That's my update for the time being. Wishing the 14 days will pass without any hitch and hopefully everything will go my way from now onwards. I see you all again in 14 days time.

Back earlier than expected

Hey I am back. Earlier than expected. Been spending some time on my own, reading and praying and getting close to my creator. IT is amazing what some quiet moment can do for you. I was sitting by the sea side the other day, looking at a group of kids playing in the sand. I was like thinking, "if only one of that kid is mine". I am not asking for many just one. Then I look out to the vast ocean, and see how God has His reasons for doing the things He does. Have you ever wondered, why is the sea blue?

Well I am just rambling here. Just wanted to write that I have been kind of sick the last few days. Have been coughing like a mad dog, sneezing non stop and running a slight temperature. Been taking my medication regularly. Hopefully I am going to get well before I start my treatment.

Did I mention how much my bo.obs hurt? IT was super painful to the touch. N the nips get super sharp and sensitive everytime the hub try to touch. His hands got snubbed by me many many times... Hahaha... Hands like octopus. Serves him right. N I cannot hold my bladder very long too.

OKay time for me to take my medication and go to bed... See you all around.

Somehow I have a feeling that AF could be round the corner.

Just Passing By

I know I am not supposed to be here but I have a little teeny weeny question which I try to Goo.gle but to no avail.

Question is: Will taking Pro.vera change my cycle since I use it to induce my menses? Will this affect how my eggs are 'grown' and how many can be stimulated and 'collected'?

Anyone who has any idea, your answers will be very useful to me.

Where is He in all this?

I have been questioning myself on this for a very long time. Since I first learnt about our infertility issues. I love kids, so does hubby. So why are we not blessed to have kids on our own yet there are others (teenagers included) who cant afford kids and can never bring up their kids properly have kid or in some cases kids. Instead of owning up to the mistakes, they make even more mistakes. Sometimes their mistakes cost the life of the little ones. The question that keep popping up in my head is - Where was God in all this?

I have been blog hopping and from the many sites I have visited, I realised that many women out there are getting closer to God in times of difficulty/challenging. As for me, I am trying to get close but at times I am just so angry. Angry for being tested the way that I was. Many people have said that God tested those that he loves. If He doesn't love you, he would have just left you alone. In that case, I would have rather been left alone. Or is that just my angry self talking.

Yes I still pray 5 times a day as required by my religion. However I still feel empty. I don't seem to be any connection. I limit my conversation with Him. Reason? Well I have been trying to communicate to Him how much we wanted a kid of our own. Not only have He not answered my prayers, He has tested me over and over again.

As my IVF journey is drawing closer and closer, I would like my conversation with Him to be more meaningful and I would like to be closer to Him. Thus I would like to take a short hiatus - just a week or so. To calm myself, to be in sync with everything around me and to be closer to God. I will be back in exactly a week when I will start my lucrin injections. Hopefully by then, I will get the answers that I have been seeking.

To all you nice bloggers out there who are currently in your 2 week wait, my prayers are with you and may you receive the BFP you have been seeking.

Readers of my blog, do check back on me in exactly a weeks time. Will be back with an entry. Till then... Have a great weekend...

18 kids and counting...

I have started watching this show on Dicovery Travel and Living - Human Story. The story about the Dugg.ers Family who currently has 18 kids. Boy am I envious. Not that I want 18 kids but the fact that she is able to have kids like at the click of a finger whil here I am struggling to even have one.

But the good thing about this family - at least from what I read they are currently debt free, they did everything on their own (even built their own steel house), the kids are all organized, had a buddy system to have the mum with the household chores and parents learnt along the way with the kids as they homeschooled them. AMAZING!!!

Did you know that they did not have kids right away? They were on the pills for 4 years after which she stopped and they got pregnant. After which she decided to go back on the pills but somehow by miracle, she got pregnant but suffered a miscarriage and they believed it was the pill. After that they started praying and asked God to give them as many kids as He wants and here they are... 18 kids and counting...

Why am I writing? No apparent reason. I am just amazed and at awe how the mother is able to cope and handle all 18 kids without any help except from her own children. I am also amazed at how she managed her finances. They did mention in a site somewhere that they didn't spend more than $2000 to feed everyone.

As for me I am just counting to number 1. Hopefully soon enough and once the One has arrived probably number 2, 3 and 4 will tag along. Yup you see that right. I am still hoping and praying to have 4 kids. But we shall see wait and see for this first treatment. Hopefully everything goes well. 9 days to go...

Appreciate your mum and MIL the same...

I have always been talking about my mum. How strong a woman she is and how she has sacrificed so much for the family. Not often do I mention about my Mother In Law. I know how some woman out there has not been blessed with a good MIL. But for me, thankfully, I have been blessed and is very lucky to have a very caring, understanding and loving PILs.

Today me and hubby went to their place. She cooked a wonderful lunch for us to enjoy. We had a wonderful time conversing, telling each other what's going on in our life. She has never mentioned, not even once how much she wants a grandkid. But today she told us how she went to the Keramat Habib Noh, prayed and was asked by a religious leader there what are wishes and who is she praying for. N she told the religious leader that she prayed that she will have a grandchild soon. She had wanted a grandchild for a long time.

I really wanted to hug her at that moment but me being me, is not good at showing my emotion. So yup in silence, I thank her.

I truly hope her prayers and wishes will come true with this upcoming procedure. I am putting my 110% effort and emotions into this. Once I start this there is no going back. My heart and soul will be in it. If it works good for me. If it doesn't (touch wood), I am hoping/praying that I am strong enough to overcome that obstacles. 10 more days to go till my lucrin injections. Hoping time will pass by faster.

Wake me up when June is here...

3 days of May has pass. I am not looking forward to May as much as I was looking forward to the months after. I mean. first and foremost, May will be the month when I start my injectibles. I believe I have mention more than once about my NOT so good relationship with injections. Have never liked it and I believe never will. But being a woman undergoing fertility treatment, injections is a must. So well... 12 more days till I start my lucrin injection. Just sitting around, waiting stinks. I hope the days will pass by faster.

In addition May is also the month where everywhere you turn you will be reminded how much less of a woman you are. Yes you are right if you guess Mother's Day. Next weekend, every mother around the world will be celebrating Mother's Day with their children. Me? After 4 years, it is still a lonely weekend. Of course, being the a daughter, I will be celebrating it with my beloved mum and family. Let's talk about my mother.

My mum is a very strong lady. In every sense of the word. She got married to my dad in 1980. She wasn't really the choice daughter in law. My grandma had wanted to marry my dad off to someone in the family but my dad being my dad, chose my mother. She had to face criticisms from all around her. But she was patient. When I was born, relatives commented about me. They said, "hey look, she is as dark as the mother." Well yes, I look more like my mother. My father look more chinese. My two younger siblings followed my dad. But I never feel that I was at a disadvantage looking more tan than my siblings. My mum was the one who supported me when relatives looked down on me and now when relatives talked behind my back about my infertility, she is always there with a rebuttal. She is always there with a shoulder for me to cry on. I truly appreciate her presence. Mum, THANKS.

Let's pray and hope, this is the last time I will be celebrating Mother's Day alone. Hopefully, by this time next year, I have kid/s of my own.