Wrecked. Disappointed. Hurt

That's an understatement of how I am feeling right now. I am a wrecked. That's a better word. I am a mess. Emotions are running haywire. Yes maybe it was the hormones. But at the end of the day my question is why can't you just try to understand how I feel. Why can't you put yourself in my shoes? I have always tried to be there for you in everything you do so why can't you support me now? I don't really need you to do anything beyond your capabilities. I just need you to be there as my moral support. Stand by my side. Listen and once it was over we can leave.

But no. You had to make a big fuss over it. Give all kind of excuses that just doesn't make sense to me. If you don't want to be there just say it don't have to twist and turn and make up excuses after excuses. I am so disappointed at this very moment. I am not sure whether I am more disappointed with him or with myself. Perhaps I should just learn to control my emotions a little more. But at the end of the day, if he can raise his voice and not even try to control his emotions why should I.

Tears are welling in my eyes as I wrote this entry. I don't even know why. Perhaps I am just so upset. Upset at how much he has changed. He used to be there for me for EVERYTHING. He used to support me in ALL that I do. But for some reason, he has decided that that has to change. Or perhaps I was the one who had changed.

My work has been my passion since young. I love my kids. They are like the kids that I can't have. I spent more than 8 hours a day with them. I laughed with them, cried with them, joked with them and advised them on life. Now all I wanted to do was be there for them when they receive their results. N I want him to be there with me. This is the last time I am going to be seeing them. The last time I am going to step foot in that building. ONE LAST TIME. Why can't he just understand that?

Well perhaps it is just my hormones reacting. Or perhaps it is a legitimate fear. Fear that he has change into someone I don't know anymore. Fear that this is the start of a horrible nightmare.