The Biggest Loser

With more time in hand, I have manage to ccatch the new season of The Biggest Loser and somehow I am kind of motivated. N I decide to start a routine. Wake up early to prepare food for hubby, catch a bit of sleep when he is off to work, go to the market once I wake up, prepare dishes for dinner, do some exercise and then for my tuition assignments.

I am here to talk about my exercise routine. It has been a while since I last exercise. One reason was work. I am always tired after work. The other reason was of course my surgery. After the surgery I was just too lazy to continue with the routine I had done before. However watching the numbers on the weighing scale climbing I was scared and nervous and the TV show kinds of motivate me too.

So starting from 3 days ago, I started eating right (eat smaller portion at regular intervals) and I started exercising. I started my run again... Wait... It was more of a jog/walk. It took me almost 30 minutes to cover 3km = 1.86 miles. Where has my stamina gone to? I have a target. If my menses come as expected, I have about 28 days to lose another 22 pounds. Is that possible? According to the show it is. So we will see. In 3 days I have lost 4 pounds. I will update all of you again by the end of the week.

It has been decided.

Hubby and I have made a decision that will change our day to day routine as well as our "love to travel" past time. Hubby insisted that I wrote the letter and submit it in. Especially with the amount of workload I have been getting and the amount of nonsense I had to face from students and management. I am not too sure in terms of our finances. I mean seriously, we were just making it through when both of us are working. Now with one less income... HOW???

I have been searching and finding some sources of income on my own and Alhamdulillah I have managed to have a few assignments. I am far from earning what I was used to earning but Insya Allah, with patience and perseverance, I will be able to earn as much or maybe even more but with less stress.

So yup basically that's it. It about ONE MONTH time I shall be a full time housewife. Never have I imagined that I will be a housewife. I mean maybe in the future but not so soon. I am not even 30 yet and to top it off I still do not have kids yet to look after. What if??? What if after quitting, I still do not get what I have been dreaming off then how? Will I be depressed? Will I be upset? Hmmm...

I guess I shall not be thinking too much about it. Like what one of the friends I have made here said...Just go with the flow and enjoy the procedure. At least I will have her to discuss things with.

Just a short update one what has been going on with me. I went to KK a few days ago and was given some progesterone pill that I was supposed to finish within the next 10days to induce my menses. I was also given some antibiotic to clear some bacterial injection. What the heck??? Infection? How? When? Never mine. It is good that I find out early. Once I finish the 10 progesterone pills I should be expecting Aunt Flo to come and visit. Then time to wait for my 21st day to start injection. Let's pray everything goes as plan now.

That's all from me for now. Shall update when there are things to update. By the way I am "supposedly in my 2 WW". 11 days till CD 1 again.

A New Vampire is in Town

Have you all heard? There's a new vampire in town. A number of people who knew that I have become a Twilight fan informed me that there is another show that I will like. Another vampire series. Unlike Bella, the girl in the series have powers (she can do what Edward can do) - read people's mind.

I have just finished watching Season 1 Episode 1. How did I find the series? 1st episode okaylah... It doesn't make me fall heads over heals with the show... yet. First and foremost if you ask me, how can anyone compare to Edward? He is the epitomy of a vampire... (my husband doesn't agree. He said Edward is too nice to be a vampire) Well to itch is his own...

Let's compare the heroes okay...


First up is Stephen Moyer, who plays Bill Compton in the HBO vampire drama series True Blood. He plays the 166-year-old enigmatic vampire. Hmmm.... Look at those eyes. Intense!!!

BUt hold it.... What about him???



What's with vampire and intense looking eye? So who wins? Hmmm... One is older... Wait a minute both are century old... I mean in real life one is older that the other. Sorry Bill... Edward still is the one for me... Hehehe...

Now what about the heroin?





Hmmm... In terms of look, both are pretty in their own way. But Anna Paquin who acts as Sookie Stackhouse has a little edge over Bella coz she can read mind. Of course she can read everyone else's mind but the vampire. Hmmm... Sounds familiar?

Well let me leave all of you with a few more pics from these two shows...





So I am a little bias... Well let me watch a few more episodes of True Blood and then we'll see whether I have a change of mind, which I doubt so...

Currently waiting for New Moon to come out. But if based on the book, we will see lesser of Edward in this second movie. :-(

Anyway... will write again soon. Need to update about what has been happening in my life.

Results are OUT

What was I thinking? Why was I putting my hopes high only to know that it will be crushed... Here was a pic from this morning test...


Was I disappointed? Well a little bit but not so much that I was distraught. Being out sick the last few days has set me thinking. Really thinking. I want to be healthy and as much rested as I possibly can during the procedure. If I am spending so much money on it I want to know that I have put 110% in the cycle. I do not want to be waking up and saying hey I could have done better if only there was no stress. I do not want what if to be in the picture anymore. If things were to fail (touch wood), I wanna know that I have done my best to get rid of any stress factors. I just wanna be at home resting, growing my eggs and growing my embryos and not be in a classroom shouting at the top of my lungs. What if all those screaming and shouting will reduce my chances? I kind of have think things through. Just need to share this information with hubby and see what he has to say. I am hoping he understands and will give me his full support.

Okay people, I am going to wallow myself in self pity for a bit then I should be back. Someone's wedding is coming up this weekend.

My blood test have to be postpone till my period comes, I guess that should be in April now. Please come already... Please don't make me wait in vain any longer. Everything now has to be pushed forward. ER should be in late May, ET in June and so on... I am crossing my fingers and just praying for the best.

14dpo

It is 14dpo. Unlike previous months, and the months before my surgery, there isn't any painful cramps, bad backaches whatsoever. It has been pretty quiet. Too quiet for comfort sometimes.

Went out for lunch with hubby just now. On our way back, we stopped by a pharmacy and purchased the following...


So there you have it. I have 2 tests in hand but I am not testing yet. I mean let see what tomorrow brings. Hubby was excited at the possibility but I told him not to put too much hope. I am not confident at all. He said what ever the result is, we still have each other. That's the most important.

This weekend a major family event is taking place. I am worried. All the what ifs that has been going on in my head for the past 5 years is going to come through starting from this weekend. Am I worried? YES!!! Things are looking bleak for us and for them it is the starting point. It will give my sister-in-law another reason to criticise us or to be more precise ME. Yes I have never been pregnant and might not be able to give my husband the child he/we so much desire. But I love hubby very deeply. N I know no one will be able to love him the way I do. I believe that is more than enough. Like what he said children are a bonus. Well, I guess we just have to wait and see what God has in plan for us.

Waiting one more day... Will see how the wait goes.

1 more day...

My 2WW is coming to an end. It is my 13dpo. Was wondering whether I should test at all. I mean I was not that hopeful about this cycle since it was the first after my surgery. Let's wait till I am truly late then I will decide on my next course of action.

I mean there are no signficant symptoms. My boobs are not at all swollen. Just a little cramping in my lower abdomen, sometimes on the left sometimes on the right and the persistent headache which is causing me to feel really lethargic. Other than that nothing much. I am still hopeful though. Still wishing for a miracle to happen. One more day...

Whatever the result is whether positive or negative, I will let you guys know, that's a promise.

On another note, hubby just received an sms from his good friend. Another poly friend of his, whose wife just gave birth on Monday has been hit by the worse news ever. Their baby who was born healthy and normal, just passed away at about 7pm tonight. May the baby's soul rest in peace. May the parents find peace and tranquility in God's challenge and obstacle. May Allah bless them all.

Monday Blues

Change of plans. Something happen and I had to cancel my original plans. To protect the people involved, I shall not mention any details. Currently waiting for hubby then off we go. I can't sit still waiting. My heart is in a mess. Hope everything is okay. I hope it is just a minor incident. Oh God please keep him safe.

To Juliah: "Sorry dear. I make it up to you some day"

Waiting Game Again

I have been playing the waiting for as long as I could remember. Before I was married, I was waiting for the right man to come along to sweep me off my feet. This is after many failed relationships that have left me all bruised. After waiting and waiting, finally hubby came by and turn my life around. He was there for me for every single event that mattered - like my graduation after getting my degree, my 2nd graduation after my post graduate diploma, my grand dad's passing away, my ups and downs at work and many more. He has always been there for me. Thank you Hubby...

I knew I was going to marry this man but that was not after 3 years later. The 3 years of waiting till we become one can be rather lonely at times but I survived. After marriage, we started thinking about starting our own family. We wanted 4 kids. But how was I supposed to know that 1 will take this long to come along. Months turns to years and we are still waiting. Every month I waited for AF to be late but times and times again she arrived without prior warning. After almost 4 years 2 months and 2 weeks, I am still waiting.

I am currently in my 2 Week Wait. This could be possibly the last unmedicated 2 Week Wait. If things does not go the way we wanted, we will start the medicated cycle. probably by the middle of next month. It is exciting at the same time scary. There are far too many things on my mind. There are so many "what ifs" going on in my head. I am excited yet I do not want to put too high an expectation that will in the end crush me if things don't go my way.

Okay so what has been going on the last few days? Hmmm... nothing much really. According to my counter, it is 10 days till testing. Not as if I will get the chance to test at all. In the last 4 years, never once did I need to test. AF comes on schedule. But whatever the outcome is, i will share with everyone here in 10 days time.

TMI ALERT: But since the operation, while on Lucrin injections, I realised my 'u know where' has been very dry. As dry as a desert. It could hurt sometimes when hubby and I becam intimate but after my last shot and my last missed period which was supposed to be on hubby's birthday, my 'u know where' has been pretty "watered". The last few days starting from the day of my supposed Ovulation Day, I have been getting this little twinges in my lower abdomen. The twinges is more apparent near my surgical area. I am trying not to think too much about it but hey who knows...I have pretty lethargic too. Everytime I lie on the sofa, my eyes will close shut and I will be napping for an hour or two. I know, I know I am scrutinising over every little detail but I will put my hands on anything that will tell me that I am PUPO.

I shall end my entry now. Will be back soon enough with another entry with regards to my meeting with a dear online friend. Till then, I shall go and try do something so that time will past more quickly.

Still surviving and counting

I am still here. Have just been busy with work. End of term before the one week break thus need to tie up some loose ends.

Today I just happen to look at this 'dusty' blog of mine and I realise something. Could this be it? COuld it happen without any help? It will definitely be a miracle if it does happen. Thinking positive...

If things are right, starting tomorrow shall be my 2 week wait. Haha... Not as if I am putting much hope into it after almost 48 months. But like I said things could happen. N I will put my faith and belief in anything at this moment.

Despite whatever hubby and I still "tried". If AF decides to drop by on the 25th of March as counted, then no more trying naturally. Either way, I am thinking positive.

Oh one more thing, I have made plans to meet with a friend I have made online. She has succeeded in her journey and I am looking forward to hearing her stories. Perhaps she can share with me all her experiences so that I can better prepared. She is so sweet as to take leave on that day... Will write more soon enough...

March is Here!!! - Hubby's Celebration

Oh my God!!! It is March already? How time flies? What happen to my February? Of course I am happy about the time flying by. This mean I am one month closer to our IVF treatment. Actually not really a month. Tentatively I should be doing my blood test on the 25th of March. That's about 22 more days. After which I will wait till my CD 21 to start on my daily Lucrin injections. So all in all I will have rought 43 more days. WOW!!! That is fast. N I am getting very excited about it.

Over the weekend, hubby and I went away for a while. Nowhere far really. Still in Singapore, but away from home. Away from the hustle and bustle of the city. It was great to have a change in environment. It helps to put our mind at ease. Enjoy the photos below... Not much though. Just something to give you an idea where I was during the weekends. Till my next entry... Hopefully soon enough.