Family Support

When you are faced with difficulties or at a crossroad, it is always nice to know that your family is always there to support your every step of the way. When I first decided to leave my profession and be a full time housewife, I was thinking how would my parents react. After all that they had sacrificed so that I could go to university and get a good job, suddenly I decided to just stay home. How am I supposed to be able to repay them if I am not earning any form of income. Somehow, I was expecting my parents to react in a different way. I was kind of expecting them to ask me to think it over but instead, they were so supportive of it. They said, if that is what I feel I need to do, then do it. Don't worry about them. They will make do with whatever they have.

I was definitely glad but I have also promised them that as long as I am healthy, I will try my best to provide for them. Maybe I will not be able to provide as much as when I was working full time but I will try. N hubby has also supported my decision on that.

On top of that, I have also decided to inform my mum about the IVF journey. She did ask how the procedure goes. I explained. As she is a massage therapist, she learns from many of her clients that they too did IVF. She found out more about the process. She says as and when if hubby is not around and I need to go to the clinic just give her a ring and she will accompany me. I am truly grateful that my mum is so understanding. She says if we didnt try how are we going to succeed. We can't possibly just wait and pray for things to happen. God asked us to try and not just sit and wait. I know some of our relatives has been making life difficult for my mum - asking when I am going to be pregnant etc. As if she knows? N some of them bragging that their kids who married later are already pregnant and thus they want to book her to do the post natal massage. I am sorry mum. I have tried but I guess Allah has other plans for me and hubby.

Oh and not forgetting my wonderful internet friends. Although we have not met, some of you felt like family to me. You are there with answers when I am in need of one. You are there with hugs when I was down. You were there with a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when I feel like no one understands. I might not say it very often but I truly appreciate your 'presence'.

To everyone... THANK YOU!!!

N so it begins...

Just a short entry. AF came with a vengence today. Lower abdomen cramping all morning + afternoon. Can still feel it lingering. Need to cook food for hubby's dinner. Then I will be expecting some kids over for tuition and I will be going for another assignment at 7pm.

Back to AF. Like finally. But I was prepared. So gave my hospital a call. They found my file and she started counting. N we are lifting off... Slowly but surely. 15th of May between 11am and 4pm, we have an appointment at the clinic. Hubby will be the one giving me the shots thus he needs to be there. Informed him and he will be taking leave on that day.

I hope this will be the beautiful beginning of our journey and hopefully we will be blessed with one or maybe even two babies of our own at the end of it. I shall calm myself and just go with the flow.

Juliah: If you read this. I am starting soon. Hope to join you soon. How are you doing? By the way, once I start my journey, I guess I might have many questions for you. I will get back to you with the questions once I reach the various stages.

CD 60... FINALLY

Watch Out: TMI - Today is CD 60 for me. My goodness. That's the first in the history of my cycle. But today when I was in the toilet while getting ready for my assignments, I realise there was some wet discharge. Wipe it off and there was a tinge of redness in it. Just to be safe, I wore a pad.

But when I came back, there was still nothing. But when I peed, more blood clots. Not a heavy flow yet. But with ongoing cramping and the visible tinge of blood, I know (and hope) that full flow will come soon. Then I can give KK a call latest by Tuesday. Oh goodness. I am getting a little excited now. But still tring to keep my excitement at bay. Just in case.

Was just wondering though if I need Provera to bring about AF this month, do I need to take Provera again next month? Do I have to inform my RE about the Provera thing? How will the number of eggs be affected because of this?

You know after all that has happen, I was thinking that I don't have to have ET in the same cycle, we can do an FET too. All I care and worry about is the number of eggs that they are gonna retrieve and the quality of the eggs. The next is of course the quality of hubby's sperms and the ability of my eggs to be fertilised. OMG!!! So much worries. Time to relax and just go with the flow.

Hey Nichole, hope you will get your AF visit too. Then our cycle will really be super close. I know how it feels to be just sitting and waiting. Crossing my fingers and toes that AF will come with a vengence in the next 24 - 48 hours. That's the first for me and hopefully the last.

Update: Still no full flow, just on and off clots and bleeding when I swipe with tissue. Other than that my pad is not soaked at all... Hmmm should I wait one more day before calling KK? I guess it should be okay to just wait one more day. The cramping is still lingering thus Af should still be hanging out for a little while longer.

CD 58 and counting...

YES you saw that correctly... CD 58. I missed a period last month and I thought perhaps there was still some lucrin leftover in my body so I ignored it. This month AF decided to avoid me again. If only I was pregnant that would have been wonderful news. However, that was not the case. So where the heck is AF? Why did she decide to make a huge detour. Has the laparoscopy resulted in my period being haywire?

One month of waiting is fine. BUt 2 months is getting unbearable. I have decided, what the heck, let's go and meet my private dr and do a scan and check out what's going on in there. I mean with a scan she will be able to tell me about the condition of my ovaries and my lining right? N she can roughly gauge whether the dreaded AF is around the corner. Called the clinic but I believe today it is only opne in the afternoon. Shall call again later at 2pm. See whether she can fit me in either today or tomorrow afternoon. The sooner the better. I need an answer soon. This is driving me crazy.

I just need to know, where I am exactly in my cycle. I had my blood test done in April. it will expire in 6 months. That means I have till October to do my IVF before I have to re do the blood test again (which cost money - something we are trying to save as much as we can). To wait that long and at the same time not working, that is just ridiculous. What was I thinking? I don't know. I guess I am just tired. Tired of being judge.

Okay will let you people know the outcome of the scan or the arrival of AF whichever comes first. Till then, thank you to all those who have left me nice messages and words of encouragement. It really helps to calm my nerves a little knowing that this is not really weird. People has faced/are facing what I am facing at the moment.

To ladies, like Nichole, Cdah and others who have left me a message. THANK YOU!!! I truly appreciate them.

UPDATED: Managed to get an appointment with my Dr on Wednesday afternoon. She is fully booked till then. Well I guess better than nothing. I shall wait till then hoping that AF comes to visit. Hopefully the Provera would have done its magic by then. If not at least I will get some answers on Wednesday.

Hope to start fresh in May... This is one of the many obstacles I was hoping I do not have to face.

Come on already!!!

Other than the once off lower abdominal cramp, there was no more signs or symptoms that AF is coming to visit. As dry as can be. Damn!!! This waiting is starting to slowly kill me. Can't you just come already? Stop making me wait. I have waited an entire month in March. I am not waiting another month. This has been postponed for far too long. I have 3 more Provera pills to finish. Once I finish that, I shall wait a few more days (that was what the pharmacist said - finish the pill and my menses should come within the next few days.)

My bo.obs doesn't hurt at all. Usually they will hurt a few days or even a week before AF comes and visit. Now not even a twinge. This is getting ridiculous. As if I have not felt less of a woman the last few months. Now that I am waiting to get back on track this missing AF is making me feel even worse.

Anyone who had a laparoscopy had this problem about missing AF? According to my counter at the side, I have one more day to go till I should be testing. Hmmm... should I even bother? I roughly have an idea what the results gonna be like. Me and hubby didn't really manage to do much due to his reservist. He was kind of away during my ovulation. Now what????

Arghh!!!! This is killing me. I am supposed to have a checkup this Thursday 23rd April. A scan to check everything is okay. to make sure that the cysts are not back as well as a meeting with Dr Sad.hana. But I am really hoping that AF comes before then. It might sounds weird to some but I am ready to have myself injected...

That was tough...

Well, trying to maintain an exercise routine while trying to cook healthy meals is definitely not easy. Every morning after hubby left for work I will be thinking, what shall I cook today? N it is made even worse when you don't have a buddy to go through the exercise regime with. N to run 3km everyday in one short, it is starting to tire me out. It was coming to an end even before it started. So I just thought perhaps I can break up my running into 2 more do-able portion - 1.5km in the morning and 1.5km in the evening. N maybe, just maybe I could even do a little bit more than 1.5km every time. We'll see tomorrow.

Today I kind of struggle to finish the 3km but I did. Hope I do much better tomorrow and the day after. Hopefully my effort will produce results and I don't stop half way.

Time for me to prepare dinner for hubby and time for me to get ready for my tuition assignment. I will write again very soon. So soon that you won't even have time to miss me. Heheh...

The Biggest Loser

With more time in hand, I have manage to ccatch the new season of The Biggest Loser and somehow I am kind of motivated. N I decide to start a routine. Wake up early to prepare food for hubby, catch a bit of sleep when he is off to work, go to the market once I wake up, prepare dishes for dinner, do some exercise and then for my tuition assignments.

I am here to talk about my exercise routine. It has been a while since I last exercise. One reason was work. I am always tired after work. The other reason was of course my surgery. After the surgery I was just too lazy to continue with the routine I had done before. However watching the numbers on the weighing scale climbing I was scared and nervous and the TV show kinds of motivate me too.

So starting from 3 days ago, I started eating right (eat smaller portion at regular intervals) and I started exercising. I started my run again... Wait... It was more of a jog/walk. It took me almost 30 minutes to cover 3km = 1.86 miles. Where has my stamina gone to? I have a target. If my menses come as expected, I have about 28 days to lose another 22 pounds. Is that possible? According to the show it is. So we will see. In 3 days I have lost 4 pounds. I will update all of you again by the end of the week.

It has been decided.

Hubby and I have made a decision that will change our day to day routine as well as our "love to travel" past time. Hubby insisted that I wrote the letter and submit it in. Especially with the amount of workload I have been getting and the amount of nonsense I had to face from students and management. I am not too sure in terms of our finances. I mean seriously, we were just making it through when both of us are working. Now with one less income... HOW???

I have been searching and finding some sources of income on my own and Alhamdulillah I have managed to have a few assignments. I am far from earning what I was used to earning but Insya Allah, with patience and perseverance, I will be able to earn as much or maybe even more but with less stress.

So yup basically that's it. It about ONE MONTH time I shall be a full time housewife. Never have I imagined that I will be a housewife. I mean maybe in the future but not so soon. I am not even 30 yet and to top it off I still do not have kids yet to look after. What if??? What if after quitting, I still do not get what I have been dreaming off then how? Will I be depressed? Will I be upset? Hmmm...

I guess I shall not be thinking too much about it. Like what one of the friends I have made here said...Just go with the flow and enjoy the procedure. At least I will have her to discuss things with.

Just a short update one what has been going on with me. I went to KK a few days ago and was given some progesterone pill that I was supposed to finish within the next 10days to induce my menses. I was also given some antibiotic to clear some bacterial injection. What the heck??? Infection? How? When? Never mine. It is good that I find out early. Once I finish the 10 progesterone pills I should be expecting Aunt Flo to come and visit. Then time to wait for my 21st day to start injection. Let's pray everything goes as plan now.

That's all from me for now. Shall update when there are things to update. By the way I am "supposedly in my 2 WW". 11 days till CD 1 again.

A New Vampire is in Town

Have you all heard? There's a new vampire in town. A number of people who knew that I have become a Twilight fan informed me that there is another show that I will like. Another vampire series. Unlike Bella, the girl in the series have powers (she can do what Edward can do) - read people's mind.

I have just finished watching Season 1 Episode 1. How did I find the series? 1st episode okaylah... It doesn't make me fall heads over heals with the show... yet. First and foremost if you ask me, how can anyone compare to Edward? He is the epitomy of a vampire... (my husband doesn't agree. He said Edward is too nice to be a vampire) Well to itch is his own...

Let's compare the heroes okay...


First up is Stephen Moyer, who plays Bill Compton in the HBO vampire drama series True Blood. He plays the 166-year-old enigmatic vampire. Hmmm.... Look at those eyes. Intense!!!

BUt hold it.... What about him???



What's with vampire and intense looking eye? So who wins? Hmmm... One is older... Wait a minute both are century old... I mean in real life one is older that the other. Sorry Bill... Edward still is the one for me... Hehehe...

Now what about the heroin?





Hmmm... In terms of look, both are pretty in their own way. But Anna Paquin who acts as Sookie Stackhouse has a little edge over Bella coz she can read mind. Of course she can read everyone else's mind but the vampire. Hmmm... Sounds familiar?

Well let me leave all of you with a few more pics from these two shows...





So I am a little bias... Well let me watch a few more episodes of True Blood and then we'll see whether I have a change of mind, which I doubt so...

Currently waiting for New Moon to come out. But if based on the book, we will see lesser of Edward in this second movie. :-(

Anyway... will write again soon. Need to update about what has been happening in my life.

Results are OUT

What was I thinking? Why was I putting my hopes high only to know that it will be crushed... Here was a pic from this morning test...


Was I disappointed? Well a little bit but not so much that I was distraught. Being out sick the last few days has set me thinking. Really thinking. I want to be healthy and as much rested as I possibly can during the procedure. If I am spending so much money on it I want to know that I have put 110% in the cycle. I do not want to be waking up and saying hey I could have done better if only there was no stress. I do not want what if to be in the picture anymore. If things were to fail (touch wood), I wanna know that I have done my best to get rid of any stress factors. I just wanna be at home resting, growing my eggs and growing my embryos and not be in a classroom shouting at the top of my lungs. What if all those screaming and shouting will reduce my chances? I kind of have think things through. Just need to share this information with hubby and see what he has to say. I am hoping he understands and will give me his full support.

Okay people, I am going to wallow myself in self pity for a bit then I should be back. Someone's wedding is coming up this weekend.

My blood test have to be postpone till my period comes, I guess that should be in April now. Please come already... Please don't make me wait in vain any longer. Everything now has to be pushed forward. ER should be in late May, ET in June and so on... I am crossing my fingers and just praying for the best.