2 commonly used terms among people in the IF sphere. After trying IUI/IVF for many many years and still not able to conceive, what's next? Adoption or surrogacy? This particular entry of mine is NOT to impose my opinion on others. It is just something I strongly feel about. I apologise in advance if whatever I am going to write will hurt anyone's feelings. This is just MY opinion. To each is his own. Personally if God decides that I am not going to be able to be pregnant with my own kids after IUI/IVF, I will choose adoption over surrogacy.
Before I go into the reasons behind my choice. Let's take a look at what surrogacy is all about. Surrogacy is a method of reproduction whereby a woman agrees to become pregnant and deliver a child for a contracted party. She may be the child's genetic mother (the more traditional form of surrogacy), or she may, as a gestational carrier, carry the pregnancy to delivery after having been implanted with an embryo. Or it could just be donor sperm/egg.
There are 4 types of surrogacy.
(1) In traditional surrogacy (aka the Straight method) the surrogate is pregnant with her own biological child, but this child was conceived with the intention of relinquishing the child to be raised by others; by the biological father and possibly his spouse or partner, either male or female. The child may be conceived via home artificial insemination using fresh or frozen sperm or impregnated via IUI (intrauterine insemination), or ICI (intra cervical insemination) which is performed at a fertility clinic.
(2) In gestational surrogacy (aka the Host method) the surrogate becomes pregnant via embryo transfer with a child of which she is not the biological mother. She may have made an arrangement to relinquish it to the biological mother or father to raise, or to a parent who is themselves unrelated to the child (e. g. because the child was conceived using egg donation, sperm donation or is the result of a donated embryo). The surrogate mother may be called the gestational carrier.
(3) Altruistic surrogacy is a situation where the surrogate receives no financial reward for her pregnancy or the relinquishment of the child (although usually all expenses related to the pregnancy and birth are paid by the intended parents such as medical expenses, maternity clothing, and other related expenses).[1]
(4) Commercial surrogacy is a form of surrogacy in which a gestational carrier is paid to carry a child to maturity in her womb and is usually resorted to by well off infertile couples who can afford the cost involved or people who save and borrow in order to complete their dream of being parents. This procedure is legal in several countries including in India where due to excellent medical infrastructure, high international demand and ready availability of poor surrogates it is reaching industry proportions. Commercial surrogacy is sometimes referred to by the emotionally charged and potentially offensive terms "wombs for rent", "outsourced pregnancies" or "baby farms".
Okay now back to why I choose Adoption over surrogacy. Personally, although I know that adoption will means that that child is not my own, at least I know that I am giving that child a place called home. Surrogacy especially one that uses a donor egg/sperm is firstly NOT ALLOWED in my religion. How I see it is, it is almost similar to having my husband be intimate with another woman and vice versa. This is one of the reasons why I will not be able to see myself using donor eggs/sperms. This is also the reason why I choose to get rid of my frozen embryo once my 10 years for storage is up. I can't foresee knowing that somehow there are "my kids" running around out there that I don't know about. What if in the long run, that kid meet with my kid and they fell in love. Wouldn't that be a HUGE disaster??? So yes, if Fate has it that I am not meant to be a mother to my own kids, I will resort to Adoption and be a mother to kids that are need.
P.S: No harm is intended from this entry of mine. I am just stating my own opinion. Hope I didn't hurt anyone whether intentionally or unintentionally.
Before I go into the reasons behind my choice. Let's take a look at what surrogacy is all about. Surrogacy is a method of reproduction whereby a woman agrees to become pregnant and deliver a child for a contracted party. She may be the child's genetic mother (the more traditional form of surrogacy), or she may, as a gestational carrier, carry the pregnancy to delivery after having been implanted with an embryo. Or it could just be donor sperm/egg.
There are 4 types of surrogacy.
(1) In traditional surrogacy (aka the Straight method) the surrogate is pregnant with her own biological child, but this child was conceived with the intention of relinquishing the child to be raised by others; by the biological father and possibly his spouse or partner, either male or female. The child may be conceived via home artificial insemination using fresh or frozen sperm or impregnated via IUI (intrauterine insemination), or ICI (intra cervical insemination) which is performed at a fertility clinic.
(2) In gestational surrogacy (aka the Host method) the surrogate becomes pregnant via embryo transfer with a child of which she is not the biological mother. She may have made an arrangement to relinquish it to the biological mother or father to raise, or to a parent who is themselves unrelated to the child (e. g. because the child was conceived using egg donation, sperm donation or is the result of a donated embryo). The surrogate mother may be called the gestational carrier.
(3) Altruistic surrogacy is a situation where the surrogate receives no financial reward for her pregnancy or the relinquishment of the child (although usually all expenses related to the pregnancy and birth are paid by the intended parents such as medical expenses, maternity clothing, and other related expenses).[1]
(4) Commercial surrogacy is a form of surrogacy in which a gestational carrier is paid to carry a child to maturity in her womb and is usually resorted to by well off infertile couples who can afford the cost involved or people who save and borrow in order to complete their dream of being parents. This procedure is legal in several countries including in India where due to excellent medical infrastructure, high international demand and ready availability of poor surrogates it is reaching industry proportions. Commercial surrogacy is sometimes referred to by the emotionally charged and potentially offensive terms "wombs for rent", "outsourced pregnancies" or "baby farms".
Okay now back to why I choose Adoption over surrogacy. Personally, although I know that adoption will means that that child is not my own, at least I know that I am giving that child a place called home. Surrogacy especially one that uses a donor egg/sperm is firstly NOT ALLOWED in my religion. How I see it is, it is almost similar to having my husband be intimate with another woman and vice versa. This is one of the reasons why I will not be able to see myself using donor eggs/sperms. This is also the reason why I choose to get rid of my frozen embryo once my 10 years for storage is up. I can't foresee knowing that somehow there are "my kids" running around out there that I don't know about. What if in the long run, that kid meet with my kid and they fell in love. Wouldn't that be a HUGE disaster??? So yes, if Fate has it that I am not meant to be a mother to my own kids, I will resort to Adoption and be a mother to kids that are need.
P.S: No harm is intended from this entry of mine. I am just stating my own opinion. Hope I didn't hurt anyone whether intentionally or unintentionally.
2 comments:
Wishing you the best on starting the adoption process.
I am a surrogate, a GS one..and totally get what you are saying.
Thanks for dropping by my site and leaving a message. I truly appreciate it. What I wrote is from my point of view who has not went thru what you went thru. I apologise if what I wrote had hurt your feelings somewhow.
I am sure you have a reasons for being a surrogate and I am not here to judge. I was just writing how I felt about the 2 issues. How I would handle IF when everything fails.
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