CD 22 - 6 more days

What do you do when you are sick and tired and bored at home? Create a new layout. It is a good way to pass your two week wait. How do you like my new layout? Nice? Hehehe... Well I think it is. The pastel colour is really very soothing to the eyes. The dark brown floral designs at the side are outstanding and eye catching. What about the banner? Look at all the baby photos... Aren't they just the cutest thing ever? I wish someday I will be able to have one or two or maybe even three to call my own. Insya Allah.

Since I was still on leave and resting at home, and I am currently on my 2nd part of my 2WW, I have created another 2 sites using a different account that I might be introducing to this site at a later time. Now I am just basically creating and adjusting the layout first. The purpose and entries of the other 2 sites will of course be different from this one.

Now a little update on me and my 2WW. By the way, the 3rd week of my cycle is pretty challenging. Something I have not usually faced. Sitting on the floor, cross legged for more than an hour will hurt my back terribly. The last 2 days since I fell sick, my right side om tummy hurts, the crampy kind of feeling (but isn't it too early for PMS). Then it started swapping, from right to left and now back to the right. I have been peeing rather often too. Fatigue is unbelievable. I tried not to look too much into the symptoms but I guess you just cant help it (even though you know that the chances are as low as less than 1 %)

Dr Google say that it is common. There has been cases of woman who have had PMS for as long as 1 week before the arrival of the actual AF. But there are also cases whereby woman who has these symptoms are known to be pregnant later. So which category am I in? I hope to be in the latter group but then again... as my previous entry has said it... Hope seems very far away this month.

But don't worry. My spirit is still high. I am looking forward to AF visit. Bcoz with her visit I can officially begin my IVF journey.

When hope seems so far away...

I have been sick since the last 2 days - coughing, fever and flu. Dr gave me 2 days MC to rest but the pain doesnt seem to go away. The cough is really causing and irritation in my throat. throat hurts so bad. But today after taking some medicine, I dragged my feet out of bed and followed hubby to make booking for our family getaway. Nothing is confirmed yet but hopefully everything goes well. At least it will give me some time to get away from all these treatments.

I know I have mentioned in my previous entries that I am not putting so much hope in this cycle but the hope is still there. I was still hoping and praying that perhaps by some miracle, I will get pregnant naturally. But with my cough, fever and flu, that hope seems so far away. You know sometimes I really wish that I do not have to go through all those injections and scannings (I don't know but sometimes I feel that these scannings can be rather intrusive.) But if this is the only way that I can be pregnant so be it.

I was reading through the forum and I understand that for some ladies there the moment their first Semen Analysis shows a 1% morphology, they do not qualify for IUI and was recommended to do IVF straightaway. So why was I asked to do IUI first (twice for that matter), and why wasn't I recommended IVF at all. I considered it myself. I decided to go to KKIVF myself.

Perhaps there is a reason behind all this. Just like how at first I was supposed to be on the short antagonist cycle but because the lab is going to be closed during the week that I am supposed to do my pick up and transfer, they say I should start in my Nov/Dec cycle. N because of that also I am now able to go on that trip with my whole family. I guess there is a blessing behind everything that happens.

Hopefully with a little more time to rest and take medications to prepare my body for the long IVF journey, it will bear me fruits.

What is the world coming to?

I was looking through the pictures and article I have saved in my folders and guess what I came across.



This newspaper article was from some years back I believe. I came across it during the time when I was trying very hard to conceive. I was so annoyed and angry at what some people are willing to do to cover up their bad deeds. I mean YES I was very very angry. Here I am (n so many others out there) trying to be pregnant and there they are (teenagers and even some adults) who can easily get pregnant, just decide to either abort or in this case throw the new born baby down the rubbish chute. What was the mother thinking? Okay maybe that's the problem, she was not thinking.

Even if for one reason or another she can't keep the baby, why can't she put the baby up for adoption? There are o many couples who totally can't have a kid on their own and depend on adoption. Why does she have to throw the baby down the rubbish chute. I am just thinking how the baby was feeling in the last few minutes of his/her life.

Sometimes I also question, why do people who do not want kids can easily get one while people who truly wants one cant have it. Why life is so unfair sometimes? Why are they more deserving than we are? Aren't children God's give to people? So why are they given such important gifts when they have done so many bad things? Why are they given such gifts when they dont want it?

Then again who am I to judge them. Perhaps God feels that I am more worse off than these people are. Perhaps, He feels that I am strong that is why He tests me in such a way. God, please listen to my prayers. I am not as strong as you think I am. I am weak. Haven't you seen or heard the number of times I have cried over your tests? Despite my sometimes wavering faith, I continue to pray to you and continue to believe in the miracles you can create.

CD 14 /15 - Time to ovulate

Well as the tinker says on the right. It is Day 15 and it time for me to ovulate. But somehow personally I feel that the tinker might be a bit off. I had that very painful cramps 2 days ago about CD12/CD13. The pain that has kept me away from the net. I can't really sit properly. My back hurst badly. Just had to lie down on the sofa with the tv as my company. So I was thinking perhaps my Ovulation happen during that time.

Well what ever it is, me and hubby was not really banking in on achieving pregnancy naturally. I mean we know where our problem lies. It will be a reall miracle if we do get pregnant in this cycle (which is by far, the month where we put in the least effort). Hubby didn't want me to get stress over the results. He said let's just do according to what our body says. No need to force it just so that we get the exact timing, which I don't even know if we are getting it right. So after 2 days of rest, the aching back and cramps are gone. I guess my uterus has gone back to its resting position, either preparing for implantation (if I am pregnant) or preparing the lining to be displace out of my body by beginning of next month.

In the past 2 weeks wait was a torture. By the 4 week, I will usually read into all the symptoms. But when we learn about our situation, I stop thinking of the symptoms coz I know at a specific time AF will arrive somehow (just whether she got into a traffic jam or not). This month it will be no different from other months. No looking into symptoms. I am just going to let this cycle past, and then proceed with our plans/schedule.

I seriously can't wait for this cycle to past as quickly as possible.

AF Cramps YES but Ovulation Cramps???

Today is Day 13 of my Menstrual Cycle. As I was sitting at my desk waiting for my meeting to start suddenly I have a tinge of pain in my right abdomen. This has never happen to me before. AF cramps yes. Usually my 2nd day is the day I will feel the worse pain but pains during the time I am supposed to ovulate, never before.

So yes... the whole day today, I was sitting at my desk with the pain continuously being there. Sitting or standing will trigger off the pain. During the movie screening, sitting on the chair causes me some discomfort. SO I chose to sit on the floor. That was even worse. My lower back then started aching... Hmmm sounds like a pregnant lady huh. But no of course not. I am NOT pregnant. At least not yet. (praying for pregnancy to happen soon)

Went home straight after work. Rested for a while on the sofa then took a nap. My 1 hour nap turns to about 3 hours of sleep. HUbby made a hot drink for me and I feel better now. The pain is gone just a slight lower back discomfort. Hope this is nothing and it goes away soon...

An ARTICLE I found on ovulation cramp.

Premenstrual Cramps

Many women experience cramps after ovulation, while others rarely do or not at all. Depending on each individual's threshold of pain, these cramps range from intermittent, prolonged, mild, moderate, or excruciating. The more severe the cramps are, the more likely you would be in consulting with your doctor, especially if accompanied by low back aches, heavy bleeding, or spotting in between periods.

However, cramps themselves are not cause for concern. Those who experience them regularly are able to find relief through over-the-counter and prescription pain medication, bathing in warm water, or applying warm compresses to the abdomen. It is when cramps after ovulation are debilitating, or if you experience pelvic pain, lower back pain, vomiting, nausea, dizziness, unusually heavy periods with the presence of blood clots, a varied menstrual cycle, spotting between periods, or the possibility of pregnancy that you should consider being examined.

Ordinarily, cramps after ovulation are contractions produced by the uterus, in preparation of menstruation. In a normal month, a woman's reproductive cycle goes through the process of releasing an egg from either or sometimes both ovaries, at which point if a woman has sexual intercourse, it may result in the egg's fertilization. The lining of the uterus thickens in preparation of implantation. If no pregnancy results, then the lining begins to deteriorate, eventually shedding as menstruation. If pregnancy does occur, the fertilized egg attaches to the uterus. It is during the time in between fertilization when the uterus contracts. During early pregnancy, the uterus will first contract in attempts to dispel the embryo, and then produce growing pains while it extends to make room for the embryo, and cramp-like sensations are felt. In the case of a non-pregnant cycle, after ovulation occurs, the uterine lining is ready to be expelled, resulting in cramps.

So there you go... that should explain my pain for the time being. Weird why this month of all other months. It has to happen the month before my IVF cycle. God please keep me healthy so I can go through my plans without hiccups.

By the way I have started on a routine of medicine again. Folic acids is on top of the list. Hubbys is also ensuring that I have a cup of milk every night to ensure stronger bones. N there is one more medicine/juice that my mum suggested I take. Very nice actually the medication. It is a mixture of figs, dates and many more. HUbby is taking it too. For now, whatever medicine that my mum feels is good for my body I will take. I mean she is the massage lady. I am sure she knows what she is doing.

My Fears...

Well this entry is written after my 'conversation' with 2 friends I just gotten to know. Being human, YES I have ALOT of fears... When I first decide to get married, I was worried whether I can be a good wife, a good daughter in law a good mother. After being married and still not pregnant after 1 year, I began getting scared, what if I can't get pregnant for one reason or another. Then when I started the IUI journey, I was scared everytime I am waiting for the day I can test. What if I fail again? Will I be able to handle it? Will I be able to accept it if it failed again?

I thought I was gonna break down and cry and never ever stand up again. But I was lucky to have a very supportive husband. He is the strong one in the relationship. He is also the more positive one. Too positive sometimes. He is the one who sees the glass half full yet I am the one who sees the glass half empty. After the 2 failed IUI, I was depressed. I told hubby no more. I am done. So we stopped all fertility treatment. I mean financial constraint was also a problem. So we took a break. A very long break.

We travelled, we learnt more about each other, we try to bring ourself closer to God. N I am glad with his support and my mum (who is my constant supporter) I got through the difficult period. I learnt to accept AF visit month after month. After almost 2 years of trying on our own with no results, I am finally ready for another round of fertility treatment. This time IVF.

I am doing as much reading as possible before embarking on this journey. I am also trying to prepare myself and hubby for any possibilities. I mean we can always try but at the end of the day it is all left to God. I have read successful stories of ladies who went through IVF. I also have read the failures. Some manage to get back up on their feet. Some just sunk lower. I am praying that I will be able to get over whatever outcome.

IVF does not come without its worry. Premature babies, stillborn, no heartbeart at a later part of 1st trimester, miscarriages etc... You think I don't think about it? I do... All the time!!! But I guess for now I will just take one step at a time and I will overcome whatever obstacles when I reach it.

Getting Pregnant Is Easy: Facts Vs Myths

I have been at work since morning but there was nothing much to do. Perhaps I should have thought about this earlier, took leave earlier and start my IVF cycle earlier. Well what is past is past. Let's not think about it. Let's look ahead. But you know sometimes you just can't help but think. If I had gone for the treatment earlier, would I have been pregnant earlier. If I had gone straight to IVF instead of IUI, would it have bear us fruits sooner and save us alot of money.

Well let's not think about it and move on. Was doing some reading online since I was free.And found the following article. By the way, the one in italics are my own comments.

Many misperceptions surround the subjects of conception and fertility, in large part due to the fact that these topics aren’t generally discussed among friends and family, and many people don’t even bring them up with their doctors. The following are some common myths about fertility and the facts that may surprise you.

Myth: Getting pregnant is easy.

Fact: While it may appear some women can get pregnant easily, the fact is one in eight couples in the United States will experience problems with fertility.

What about in Singapore. What is the statistics like? I tried searching but no conclusive results.

Myth: Lots of women are waiting until their 40s to start a family, so I have plenty of time.

Fact: While news abounds about celebrities having children well into their 40s, some of these women may actually be using donor eggs, or even surrogate carriers. The truth of the matter is the longer you wait to try to become pregnant, the slimmer your chances of conceiving. Fertility begins to decline for women at age 27 and dramatically declines by the age of 35. After age 40, women who do become pregnant face a 50 percent chance of miscarriage, so the earlier a couple seeks a fertility evaluation, the better able they’ll be to take steps to conceive.

In Singapore, I guess this is pretty untrue. There are of course cases where women think about career first and family later but I don't think it reach a stage where they wait till they are 40 to start a family. Look at me... I was 24 when I started trying to conceive actively but I am still unsuccessful. I am currently 27, turning 28 next year. According to results fertility begins to decline at age 27 so I guess it was a good decision on my part to start IVF this year.

Myth: If you have a regular period, you can conceive.

Fact: A woman’s fertility can be impacted even though there are no disruptions with her menstrual cycle. A period does not necessarily mean that a woman is ovulating or releasing an egg. A couple should speak to their physician if they are under the age of 35 and have been attempting to conceive for one year without success. If the couple is over the age of 35, they should seek treatment if they have been trying to conceive without success for six months.

So NOT true. I have regular periods. My period is on the dot. 28 days and AF will appear on the 29th day. But here I am 4 years down the road of TTC with no results.

Myth: A couple’s fertility problems are caused by the woman.

Fact: This is one of the most commonly believed fertility myths. In fact, fertility problems can be attributed to the man 35 percent of the time and to the woman 35 percent. In 20 percent of cases, it is a combined man/woman problem and in 10 percent of cases the problem is unexplained. Should they suspect problems, both the man and the woman should undergo a full fertility evaluation.

In my case, Dr diagnosed it as male factors. So guys out there, please do not just blame the ladies. You can be responsible for your current situation too. Just go with your wife for the check up.

Myth: Home remedies, such as taking cough syrup, can help you get pregnant.

Fact: It is never a good idea to self-medicate based on these kinds of legends. There is no proof, either in clinical or observational studies, that these products have any effect on fertility. Talking to your doctor about your options to become pregnant is the best way to help you conceive.

Tried and tested... Maybe others have succeeded but not in my case. I mean maybe the situations are different in all cases.

Myth: An OB/Gyn specializes in fertility and can provide all of the services needed to treat fertility problems.

Fact: When a couple experiences trouble getting pregnant, they should first speak with the woman’s OB/Gyn about their concerns. While most OB/Gyns do not have a specialty in fertility, they will be able to answer a couple’s basic questions and some may offer limited services to treat fertility problems. However, when these preliminary tests and treatments do not resolve a fertility problem, an OB/Gyn may refer the couple to a specialist, known as a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). REs have special training and equipment that enable them to provide the treatment and attention needed for couples facing fertility issues.

I went straight to a gynae. Here once you mention that you have been trying actively for more than a year and yet have not conceive, they will take in your case and not oush you away. You just need to overcome the original barrier. The shame etc. You can't feel ashame to get help if you want to achieve your dream.

Myth: If you stop worrying and just relax, you’ll get pregnant.

Fact: Fertility problems are often medical in nature and can be treated. The associated stress is a result - not a cause - of these problems. While reducing the stress associated with fertility problems may improve your overall quality of life, it does not mean that you will conceive if you “just relax.” Talk to your doctor about ways to incorporate stress reduction into your fertility treatment plan to make the process easier on you and your partner.

Relax??? Hahaha very funny. First of all with family and relatives asking every month whether you have conceived..how to be relax? Even if you do get a chance to be relax, if the sperms and eggs are not meeting, no fertilisation will take place, no babies are gonna appear.

The best way to debunk common misperceptions and learn the facts on fertility and conception is to talk to your doctor and educate yourself through trusted sources, such as www.fertilityjourney.com.

Courtesy of ARAcontent

Day 11 - 15 - Fertile Period = Baby Dancing

Since I am not down for any Fertility Treatment this month, we have to leave it to nature. Leaving it to nature means we have to work super doubly hard. At the same time, we have to put a little more trust in God's plan for us. Not that we have not been trusting Him. It is just that sometimes, our trust in Him is tested. Some months worse than others.

This week marks our Fertile Period. So yeah... Baby Dancing on the way. Seriously speaking, I am actually looking forward to it ( not that I don't look forward to it before). But this is a little special. You know why? Becoz the need for a positive outcome is not really there coz we know our situation and we know what is possible and what is not. Usually Fertile Period means Baby Making means Stressful Time Scheduling. But this month, we can plan for perhaps something more romantic... Something to remind us of our honeymoon times. Hmmmm.... Long weekend coming next week. Moreover, school is coming to an end and there is not so much work. So less stress.

What shall we do??? Suggestion my friends??? Perhaps a short getaway for the 2 of us will do us good especially before the IVF procedure.

Facts and Myths on Low Sperm Count

Many myths surrounding male fertility included ‘if you have more sex, you will exhaust your sperm supply’ or ‘if men masturbate, they will have less sperm’. This is not true. The frequency of sex or number of times a man ejaculates does not decrease the amount of sperm, or sperm count. In fact, a man may lose all sensations and sexual functions due to a spinal cord injury but he still has a normal sperm count.

One myth that hubby seems to like is that 'man with low sperm count should restrict the number of times they have sex. this is to give time for them to replenish the sperm.' In fact men with low sperm count should have as much sex as possible so as to ensure that as much sperms are projected into the uterus.

Other myths:

‘Rear entry position has better chances to get your partner pregnant’ - The position you select holds no ground on the ability to conceive. Positions merely add variety and better stimulation for the deed.

‘You can’t impregnate your partner if you have a low sperm count’ - This is contrary to popular believe as a low sperm count may have better quality sperms adequate for the final stage – getting through the egg. Some men with higher sperm counts may not fertilize an egg. Possibly the sperms may be found to have two heads or two tails; even a sperm that’s got a big head.

‘If a couple still hasn’t got a kid, the woman’s infertile' - You would have probably heard this more than often when couples can’t conceive. It is sometimes the man that is infertile. 30 percent of couples seeking help, at least 30 couples have a problem and its due to male causes for sub-fertility.

‘viagra increases sperm count’ - Viagra does not increase sperm count but helps a man maintain or get an erection.

'traditional Chinese medicine, Qigong and TongKat Ali makes a man more potent’ - Traditional Chinese medicine and other Asian fertility enhancing herbs may boost male fertility but may not be a complimentary treatment for some people.

‘the bigger your penis, the more sperms’ - Size of the penis has nothing to do with sperm count or fertility. (Hmmm... but I guess I know what it has to do with... Heheheh....)


IMPORTANT!!!
‘wear your pants too tight and you will kill the sperms' - This one is not a myth, so it is true. Temperature affects the sperm’s well being and it thrives in an environment that’s between 74 – 77 degrees cooler than our body temperature. Sperm motility declines when the environment is not conducive. Men in tropical climate, compared to their male counterparts in cooler climates, have a lower sperm count on average. A normal count is about 20 million sperms or more.

Next time you hear someone say that if you don’t wash your scrotum, your sperm will eat its way out of it and die, you know that its not exactly untrue but a little misinterpreted. Your scrotum just need to be cool to keep those little ‘dudes’ happy to encourage motility, count and quality. So guys what are you waiting for, let your ‘balls’ hang out for that breath of fresh cooling air!

Lucrin and Subcut Puregon Injection

Since I am not down for Fertility Treatment this month, I took the opportunity to do some reading first. There are some blogs that I am currently following closely. Very nice reads they have there. I think I might have mentioned before that me and needles are never good friends. The thought of having to do blood tests and self injection makes me cringe. Starting the IVF cycle next month makes me want to find out more about the daily injections coz some have said that it can be quite painful at certain stages.

Ovarian Stimulation
Under normal circumstances, most women produce only one egg each month. The chances of pregnancy are increased if more than one egg is fertilised and replaced. To increase the number of eggs, hormone injections (hormones to cause “down-regulation”, eg Buserilin, Lucrin; then FSH hormone to increase numbers of eggs developed, eg Gonal F) are administered daily. The most commonly used regime involves daily injections of Buserelin or Lucrin, usually commencing 21 days after your period starts (called the “down-regulation” regime). This hormone is first given to control your cycle by preventing your own hormones from disturbing egg production during the programme.

Women may come to the Clinic every day for their injections, but as the needles used are very small, most women find it easier to learn how to give the injections themselves at home, or get their husbands to do it. This has the advantage that it saves you from coming to the hospital every day. After two weeks of these injections, your response is monitored by a blood test and ultrasound scan. If these show you have responded to the Buserelin or Lucrin injections and the scan shows no abnormalities, a second hormone FSH is added, called Gonal F. This is designed to stimulate the ovaries to produce many eggs. The exact dose of the Gonal F injections may be varied according to your response, but the nurse and doctors will decide and let you know of any changes.

That's not my picture by the way. Borrowed from the net. Can't show my stomach. Hubby will kill me for doing that.

Next stage once, my period arrive is the injection of puregon. I believe this is something similar to what I have injected during my IUI cycle.

Yes I hate needles but if this is the only way for me to get pregnant. So be it. I will put my fears all aside and be strong for my future (not sure when in the future) babies.