Well this entry is written after my 'conversation' with 2 friends I just gotten to know. Being human, YES I have ALOT of fears... When I first decide to get married, I was worried whether I can be a good wife, a good daughter in law a good mother. After being married and still not pregnant after 1 year, I began getting scared, what if I can't get pregnant for one reason or another. Then when I started the IUI journey, I was scared everytime I am waiting for the day I can test. What if I fail again? Will I be able to handle it? Will I be able to accept it if it failed again?
I thought I was gonna break down and cry and never ever stand up again. But I was lucky to have a very supportive husband. He is the strong one in the relationship. He is also the more positive one. Too positive sometimes. He is the one who sees the glass half full yet I am the one who sees the glass half empty. After the 2 failed IUI, I was depressed. I told hubby no more. I am done. So we stopped all fertility treatment. I mean financial constraint was also a problem. So we took a break. A very long break.
We travelled, we learnt more about each other, we try to bring ourself closer to God. N I am glad with his support and my mum (who is my constant supporter) I got through the difficult period. I learnt to accept AF visit month after month. After almost 2 years of trying on our own with no results, I am finally ready for another round of fertility treatment. This time IVF.
I am doing as much reading as possible before embarking on this journey. I am also trying to prepare myself and hubby for any possibilities. I mean we can always try but at the end of the day it is all left to God. I have read successful stories of ladies who went through IVF. I also have read the failures. Some manage to get back up on their feet. Some just sunk lower. I am praying that I will be able to get over whatever outcome.
IVF does not come without its worry. Premature babies, stillborn, no heartbeart at a later part of 1st trimester, miscarriages etc... You think I don't think about it? I do... All the time!!! But I guess for now I will just take one step at a time and I will overcome whatever obstacles when I reach it.
I thought I was gonna break down and cry and never ever stand up again. But I was lucky to have a very supportive husband. He is the strong one in the relationship. He is also the more positive one. Too positive sometimes. He is the one who sees the glass half full yet I am the one who sees the glass half empty. After the 2 failed IUI, I was depressed. I told hubby no more. I am done. So we stopped all fertility treatment. I mean financial constraint was also a problem. So we took a break. A very long break.
We travelled, we learnt more about each other, we try to bring ourself closer to God. N I am glad with his support and my mum (who is my constant supporter) I got through the difficult period. I learnt to accept AF visit month after month. After almost 2 years of trying on our own with no results, I am finally ready for another round of fertility treatment. This time IVF.
I am doing as much reading as possible before embarking on this journey. I am also trying to prepare myself and hubby for any possibilities. I mean we can always try but at the end of the day it is all left to God. I have read successful stories of ladies who went through IVF. I also have read the failures. Some manage to get back up on their feet. Some just sunk lower. I am praying that I will be able to get over whatever outcome.
IVF does not come without its worry. Premature babies, stillborn, no heartbeart at a later part of 1st trimester, miscarriages etc... You think I don't think about it? I do... All the time!!! But I guess for now I will just take one step at a time and I will overcome whatever obstacles when I reach it.
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